Art Saves Lives

I just finished reading The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. The student who brought me the book to read also told me I must listen to an interview in Brainpickings with Gaiman. In it the author tells this story of his 97-year-old cousin, Helen, a Polish Holocaust survivor: “She started telling me this story of how, in the ghetto, they were not allowed books. If you had a book … the Nazis could put a gun to your head and pull the trigger—books were forbidden. And she used to teach under the pretense of having a sewing class… a class of about twenty little girls, and they would come in for about an hour a day, and she would teach them maths, she’d teach them Polish, she’d teach them grammar….“One day, somebody slipped her a Polish translation of Margaret Mitchell’s novel Gone with the Wind. And Helen stayed up—she blacked out her window so she could stay up an extra hour. She read a chapter of Gone with the Wind. And when the girls came in the next day, instead of teaching them, she told them what happened in the book.“And each night, she’d stay up; and each day, she’d tell them the story.“And I said, ‘Why? Why would you risk death—for a story?’“And she said, ‘Because for an hour every day, those girls weren’t in the ghetto—they were in the American South; they were having adventures; they got away.’“I think four out of those twenty girls survived the war. And she told me how, when she was an old woman, she found one of them, who was also an old woman. And they got together and called each other by names from Gone with the Wind…”Gaiman concluded, “We [writers] decry too easily what we do, as being kind of trivial—the creation of stories as being a trivial thing. But the magic of escapist fiction … is that it can actually offer you a genuine escape from a bad place and, in the process of escaping, it can furnish you with armor, with knowledge, with weapons, with tools you can take back into your life to help make it better… It’s a real escape—and when you come back, you come back better-armed than when you left.”Nelson Mandela once described Chinua Achebe, the most widely read African writer and author of Things Fall Apart, as “the writer in whose presence prison walls fell down.” Achebe’s words sustained him in prison. I once heard Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie say, “Fiction does matter. It can make literal prison walls fall down, but it can also sustain prisoners where they are.”While people in our world tend to think of the art as the painted fingernails instead of the marrow in our bones, ISIS gets what a threat the arts can be to freedom. Consider that CNN ran an article in March titled, “Why ISIS destroys antiquities.” It tells of the numerous historic sites that ISIS has smashed. One of these was the Museum of Islamic Art in Egypt, which contained more than 100,000 pieces. The museum, having recently undergone an eight-year, multi-million dollar renovation, had to close again after its reopening because ISIS planted a car bomb that caused catastrophic damage. The writer of the CNN piece concluded, “The smashed artifacts of the Mosul Museum and the destruction at Nineveh and Nimrud . . .  are the material record of humanity. They are not just for scholars, they are for everyone. They are the text of the past that helps define our future.T. Anderson, the YA author of Symphony for the City of the Dead: Dmitri Shostakovich and the Siege of Leningrad told a group at Calvin College last week, “We think of the arts as dessert, but they change the way we live.”His historical-fiction novel demonstrates this truth vividly as he recounts in it the story of how Leningrad (i.e., St. Petersburg, Russia) was surrounded by Hitler’s troops during WWII and held under siege for three years. Did you catch that? The beautiful city starved out for three years. Hitler’s experts had predicted that everyone would be dead after the first winter. Yet the people lived on and on.Two great factors in Leningrad's survival were the arts and community. Logically speaking, those who survived should have been the ones who stayed in their beds to conserve energy. But those who did so actually tended to die first. In actuality survivors were more likely to be the librarians who held reading groups in twenty-below-zero rooms or the teachers who searched out flats to find orphaned children. In the midst of it all, the famous composer Dmitri Shastakovich created a symphony that retold the story of what the Nazis had done, and the spirit of defiance in that music gave the Russian people hope. The score was smuggled out to the US, where people heard it and came to the aid of Leningrad. Art saved lives.

No Religious Test for Refugees

While a few U.S. political leaders have called for banning resettlement of all Muslim refugees, leaders in the evangelical community affirm that refugees should not be rejected based on their religious identity. According to the January Evangelical Leaders Survey, 91 percent of respondents said the US should not bar entry to all refugees affiliated with certain religions.Evangelical leaders are not alone. According to a December 2015 CBS News poll, nearly six in ten Americans do not believe the US should temporarily bar Muslims from other countries from entering the United States, and two-thirds said such a ban would go against the founding principles of this country.Leith Anderson, president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), said “Religion should not be a litmus test for receiving aid. Most evangelical leaders believe compassion and security can and should go hand-in-hand.”

About Cecil the Lion vs. abortion

To my friends criticizing the attention given to a lion when babies are being killed: I agree we need a change of heart. I agree that human life is infinitely precious. But I suggest that rather than criticizing the outrage over the lion, which is appropriate (the OT sacrificial system was still concerned with being humane to animals), we should affirm that outrage and think of it as common ground to talk about the preciousness of all life God creates. The apostle Paul looked at the altars in Athens and saw something good in them rather than condemning the Athenians for believing in false gods. He found the good impulse that he had in common with them (they worshiped an unseen god) and capitalized on it.

7 Baby Steps Whites Can Take to Fight Racism

While studying gender in my PhD program, I was assigned to read Gender and Jim Crow: Women and the Politics of White Supremacy in North Carolina, 1896–1920. At the risk of sounding like Nerd Girl, it was the best book I read all year. One of its strengths was that it introduced readers to the African-American middle class that existed between 1890 and 1960. Of special interest were the photos of male and female seminary students studying theology—including Koine Greek—under male and female professors. Most white seminaries didn’t admit women till the 1970s, let alone hire them as professors.I had been taught that the U.S. Women’s Movement in the 1960s was responsible for women’s “new” leadership in church contexts and our entrance into seminaries. Some of my teachers had even spoken disparagingly about how women’s presence in leadership roles was due to Christians’ “capitulating to culture.” Yet Gender and Jim Crow forced me to face the facts: The version of history I had heard, if true at all, was true of only a segment of the population.Part of learning church history is learning black history.Fast forward to last summer. I had the privilege of becoming a student again, complete with roommate and curfew. While in Italy learning about medieval art and theology, I got to know and love an African-American fellow-student who is an accomplished moviemaker from L.A. I loved talking with her over two-hour pasta meals and continuing our discussions in the courtyard of the monastery where we were staying.One night I asked her about her experience as a student in higher education. She told of going to an elite film school and being handed a list of the “100 Best Movies Ever Made.” But not one of the classic favorites from her own subculture—movies such as “The Wiz," which her church performed, and “A Raisin in the Sun”—had made the list.When I returned home, I checked out my own course offerings to make sure they included books from a diverse range of experts. And I saw that my own syllabus needed some attention. So I worked to provide a more rounded list, and the course is better for it.Two years ago, when I quoted Toni Morrison during a conference I was keynoting, a woman came up afterward and thanked me. I appreciated her kind words, but I was appalled that in her world it was so rare to hear someone refer to a person of color that she felt compelled to thank me.We have a big race problem in our world.Most Christians I know feel troubled about it. But they have no idea what they can do. So here are some baby steps to get us started:1. Pray. Really—I mean it. Pray and pray. Have you even prayed about racism? Much?2. Repent. Ask forgiveness for sins of commission and omission. Ask God to show you where you’ve turned a blind eye in contexts where you have social power you could use for greater good.3. Watch some movies. We quote what we know. So get ready for some terrific stories. In addition to those mentioned, watch “The Color Purple,” “Selma,” and “42.”4. Set the table. Invite someone of a different race to your home for dinner. Enjoy their company. Build a relationship. Teach your children that you’re not just fighting a bad thing. You are embracing a beautiful thing. Help them understand that their lives are deficient if they lack exposure to relationships with a broad range of image-bearers.5. Listen. When people talk about their experiences and fears, we need to shut up and empathize. Really listen. Not so we can say “Yes, but…” but so we can groan with all creation over the evil of divisions so deep we may not even see them.6. Read. Toni Morrison has won both a Nobel and a Pulitzer. Put her books in your Audible queue or pick them up from the library. Or grab Sue Monk Kidd’s book The Invention of Wings, a fascinating work of historical fiction about race, sex, and class. Or for less than three bucks, you can get the Kindle version of The 100 Most Influential Black Christians in History. Include diversity in your authors and/or story subjects.7. Include minorities in your examples. If you speak publicly, consider the racial mix of the people you quote and the subjects of the stories you tell. Ever told the story of Bishop Richard Allen? And while you’re at it, seek diversity in your ABF classes, on your worship teams, and on your elder boards and preaching teams.The church has the opportunity to model what it looks like to go far beyond tolerance to love. Let us be known for celebrating the beauty of God’s creation in the form of diverse humanity from every tribe and nation and tongue. We can’t expect the world to lead the way. The changes must start in our own homes and in our pews—beginning with the most segregated hour of the week.

Cyberbulling: How to Prevent and Handle It

Linda Tomczak completes her final installment on helping parents supervise kids' engagement on the internet. CyberbullyingCyberbullying is a serious matter and has resulted in suicideTeens often feel helpless, and bullies can be relentless.If your teen is being bullied, be an ally; don’t expect them to deal with it alone.Prevention TipsLimit where your children post personal information and who can access itWhen dealing with a bully, avoid escalating the situation: Responding with hostility is likely to provoke a bully. If possible, ignore it.Change passwords, and if necessary, get a new email address.If on Facebook, report abuse, block user, and if you have accepted a bully’s friend request, unfriend them. Make sure settings are at maximum privacy to prevent future posts and limit access to personal information. Make sure you have not made personal information, like your phone number or email address, viewable. Adjust settings so you must approve anything posted on your timeline. Take screen shots of abusive posts, then hide from timeline.Document bullying: Keep a record of any online activity (emails, web pages, social media posts, etc.), including relevant dates and times. Keep both an electronic version and a printed copy.Report bullying to the appropriate authorities: If you or your child are being harassed or threatened, report the activity to the local authorities—police department or FBI branch—as well as school officials if it involves one or more students.Do not be a bully yourself. Do not post or forward anything you would not want posted about you.Signs your child may be a victim of cyberbullyingHe/she tenses up when the phone rings, or a text message appearsHe/she lets the phone go unanswered, or sees the number the call is coming from and ignores or refuses the callRepeated calls from the same numberFor EducatorsEstablish a school bullying policy and inform the student body via an assembly. Communicate that the matter will be taken seriously.Appeal to the bystanders—those not involved in the bullying—to not condone or forward abusive items.Post positive reminders of proper Internet behaviorImmediately and publicly enforce offenses.Set up an anonymous reporting system that is monitored daily, as students may be receiving threats and unable to confide in parents. Useful Resourceswww.esrb.org/about/onlinesafety.jspLinks to multiple useful sites; great resource for anyone, especially parents www.onguardonline.govGreat resources for all topics regarding Internet safety, what to do if your email is hacked, etc. stopthinkconnect.org/resourcesLarge variety of free tip sheets you can download, addressing a variety of topics, including gaming, cyberbullying, mobile device safety; some for parents; some for teens Includes Internet safety-tip posters teachers can download and printwww.facebook.com/help/privacy/basic-controls How to set Facebook privacy controlswww.commonsensemedia.orgReviews and rates media, including videos, games, apps, websitesGreat resources for parents and educatorsRecommends family-friendly media and warns against items that put children in jeopardy Excellent blog and lots of resourceswww.fightthenewdrug.orgExcellent way to discuss porn with teensAddresses porn use with the upcoming generationopendns.comFree for home useAdjustable levels of filteringApplies controls to all Internet devices in the home, including gaming consoles, iPads, and phonesAllows you to monitor websites visited, and block inappropriate ones, even edit the message that will appear on the screen when a child tries to access that page, so you can tell them why you have denied them access to itYour child can email you back from that message and explain why they need to get on that site, and you can adjust your filtering if you agree.This software is used by about than 1 in 3 US public schoolshttp://www.netsmartz.orgVideos and games for children, tweens, and teens, teaching how to use the Internet wisely, and risks of not doing soTopic buttons are great resource for parents, containing tips and discussion-starter questionswww.gwennetwork.orgFree app for iPhone and androidChoose five people to be in your Gwen network. They will receive a text asking them to accept.If you are abducted or in danger, set off an alert, and it will immediately text your network and send them a message with your GPS coordinates.www.fcps.edu/it/fairfaxnetwork/traffickingProduced by Fairfax County, VA, this recent, well-made video includes interviews with law enforcement, social workers, educators, victims, and former traffickers, to enlighten parents, teachers, and students of the tactics of sex traffickers.Individual segments can also be downloaded for free on iTunes, and DVD can be ordered for $5Fairfax County, a wealthy community, has one of the highest rates of teenage sex trafficking by gangs in the US.One gang created a false Facebook profile and solicited over 800 teen girls online. Not one of the girls reported it.Very informative; every parent, school administrator, and teacher should watch this.www.secureteen.comFree safe browser for phones, iPadProtects kids from unsafe sites and predators and limits their screen time.Paid level allows parents to monitor their children’s Internet activitySite also has parenting tips 

On Blaspheming Others' Gods

I was watching the news about the shooting in the Dallas suburb where I used to live, and I wrinkled my nose when I heard people singing "God Bless America" in the background.I hope that does not mean Dallas Christians think God is on the side of those who blaspheme Mohammed. If so, which god are we talking about? Are we talking about the Trinity or the U.S. god, who may or may not be the three-in-one deity we worship?The apostle Paul himself did not blaspheme the goddess Artemis, even though he preached across the Roman Empire that gods made with hands are not gods at all. He still didn't outright-blaspheme the pantheon of gods, but rather acted wisely in how he taught the truth. You can read the story about that in Acts 19 starting in verse 23:At that time a great disturbance took place concerning the Way. For a man named Demetrius, a silversmith who made silver shrines of Artemis, brought a great deal of business to the craftsmen. He gathered these together, along with the workmen in similar trades, and said, “Men, you know that our prosperity comes from this business. And you see and hear that this Paul has persuaded and turned away a large crowd, not only in Ephesus but in practically all of the province of Asia, by saying that gods made by hands are not gods at all. There is danger not only that this business of ours will come into disrepute, but also that the temple of the great goddess Artemis will be regarded as nothing, and she whom all the province of Asia and the world worship will suffer the loss of her greatness.”When they heard this they became enraged and began to shout, “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!” The city was filled with the uproar, and the crowd rushed to the theater together, dragging with them Gaius and Aristarchus, the Macedonians who were Paul’s traveling companions. But when Paul wanted to enter the public assembly, the disciples would not let him. Even some of the provincial authorities who were his friends sent a message to him, urging him not to venture into the theater. So then some were shouting one thing, some another, for the assembly was in confusion, and most of them did not know why they had met together. Some of the crowd concluded it was about Alexander because the Jews had pushed him to the front. Alexander, gesturing with his hand, was wanting to make a defense before the public assembly. But when they recognized that he was a Jew, they all shouted in unison, “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!” for about two hours. After the city secretary quieted the crowd, he said, “Men of Ephesus, what person is there who does not know that the city of the Ephesians is the keeper of the temple of the great Artemis and of her image that fell from heaven? So because these facts are indisputable, you must keep quiet and not do anything reckless. For you have brought these men here who are neither temple robbers nor blasphemers of our goddess. If then Demetrius and the craftsmen who are with him have a complaint against someone, the courts are open and there are proconsuls; let them bring charges against one another there. But if you want anything in addition, it will have to be settled in a legal assembly. For we are in danger of being charged with rioting today, since there is no cause we can give to explain this disorderly gathering.” After he had said this, he dismissed the assembly (emphasis mine).I believe in the right to free speech. And I defend others' legal right to free speech. A graduate of the school where I teach got shot in the foot defending others' rights to speak freely, and I think he did right to be there.But I believe in that right because some of my beliefs offend others. And I don't want the "offense" of the gospel to mean I can't share it. So I have to allow others to blaspheme my God if I want to speak freely about him. The same rights protect us both.That does not mean, HOWEVER, that blaspheming someone else's most dearly held beliefs is right. That does not mean we honor God by trash-talking what we consider to be false gods. There is a difference between having a legal, American, military-defended right to do something and a God-pleasing moral right to do so. People have a legal right to get drunk in the privacy of their own homes, but that does mean they should do so.The scriptures seem to teach that it's even unwise to trash-talk Satan, whom Christ has defeated. Consider Jude 1:9: "But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, 'The Lord rebuke you!'" If Michael hesitated, how much more so should mere mortals hesitate.I think for us to expect God to bless America, we need to "do unto others" They will know we are Christians not by our militancy about the rights we possess as American citizens, but by our love.

Genocide: 100 Years Later

Turkey still denies the Armenian genocide.The last Islamic empire came to an end during the First World War, but not without one final massive slaughter of Christians. The European nations and Russia decided that the Ottoman Empire had to be destroyed, so the Ottomans went into a rage of revenge against the Armenians.

 Today, April 24, marks the 100th anniversary of the Armenian genocide by the Ottoman Empire (Turkey), when one to two million Armenians were killed (1915–1916) in what is universally recognized as genocide. The Republic of Turkey denies the genocide to this day.The genocide took the lives of one to two million Armenians. But it happened. This date marks the anniversary of the Ottoman government's rounding up and arrest of some 250 Armenian intellectuals and community leaders in Constantinople (i.e, Istanbul).The genocide, which took place both during and after World War I, was implemented in two phases. The first was the extermination of able-bodied men by massacre (and subjection of army conscripts to forced labor). The second was the deportation of women, children, the elderly and infirm on death marches leading to the Syrian desert.Although the Islamic empire and Caliphate came to an end in WW1, Christians were still being persecuted and killed in the Middle East at a rate of one every five minutes in the present—before the Arab Spring, that is. The rate is far greater now that the Islamic empire is once again threatening to come to life again. Look at the purging of Christians from Iraq….

Drink Coffee, Do Justice

Cyimbili Coffee from Cyimbili Coffee on Vimeo.

They Keep Killing Christians

On Sunday, the Islamic State released a video of what appears to be a mass killing of Ethiopian Christians by Libya terrorists. Muslims also threw twelve Christians overboard because of their faith.At its most recent meeting, the National Association of Evangelicals' board issued a statement concerning the persecution of Christians around the world and called on evangelicals to “engage in sustained prayer for those whose lives are threatened and especially for the family members of the martyrs who have been brutally killed” and to “give generously toward the needs of refugees and for the rebuilding of shattered communities.” [I've included a link to World Vision's Syrian refugee fund.]“Let us pray for the families of those who died. Let us pray for the thousands of surviving Christians who now live in fear,” Anderson said. “Christians have become the most persecuted people of faith in today’s world. From almost every nation in the world we hear reports of those who are threatened and injured because they are followers of Jesus.”The NAE also urges evangelicals to pray that government leaders will have wisdom and courage in fashioning an effective response. The NAE calls on the U.S. government to work with other governments to restore justice and rule of law and to uphold the fundamental human rights of all people.The NAE board statement on persecution concludes, “At a time when terror and violence are wreaking havoc in so many parts of our world, we remember that Jesus also endured persecution and violence on our behalf. Through his suffering, death and resurrection he opened the way to life for all humankind. May the faithful witness of the martyrs ‘of whom the world is not worthy’ (Heb. 11:38) draw many to put their faith in Christ, our only hope.” 

Racism: Blind to Privilege

Here is the post I wrote yesterday for bible.org's Engage blog:

I had never considered myself a racist. When I was kid, my parents helped me send the coins in my piggy bank to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s work. And I have family members who are African-Americans and Latinos. So I thought I was good.

I got a glimpse at my blindness when I took Greek from an African-American professor. He told us that racism was not a white problem; it was a sin problem. He gave international examples of darker and lighter groups hating each other. Afterward, I said I wanted to be color-blind, and he stopped me. “You need to see the color,” he said. “God made it. It’s just that the color does not matter in terms of equality.” I realized then that my elevating of “blindness” was itself a form of racism. The very thing God celebrated, I was ignoring outright—and congratulating myself.

Another glimpse came during a trip to the east coast. I had lived in Virginia for seven years as a teen, and at that time, Monticello—home of Thomas Jefferson—was my favorite of the historical sites within a day’s drive of DC. But returning decades later, I was shocked when I saw for the second time the evidence of Jefferson’s past as a slaveholder. What upset me most was that his record had not fazed me before. I could no longer downplay Jefferson’s evil by rationalizing that he was a product of his times. Jefferson knew the abolitionists’ arguments. I had excused him. How could I have been so blind?

I don’t know. But between the two above-mentioned instances, some events happened that probably led to some of the scales falling off.

First, I took Russian lessons, and only after six weeks’ practice could I correctly pronounce the formal word for “hello.” I went to Belarus as a journalist with a medical mission team, and these smart people struggled with a language that’s actually much easier than English. While there, I—a “word” person—had to operate from a vocabulary smaller than a kindergartner’s, and I suddenly reconsidered my assessment of the immigrants I had assumed were uneducated.

When I returned, I asked a Russian friend if she had difficulty operating from a limited number of words. She exclaimed, “Yes! That is the hardest part for me being here! In Russia, I am an engineer with an enormous vocabulary. Here, I can hardly express myself.” She was an engineer? I had no idea. After that, I started asking about the backgrounds of immigrants who cleaned my office after hours, and I discovered physicians, engineers, and pastors of enormous churches—all sacrificing the respect they received back home in order to have access to Christian education.

When I learned that a theology student was attending a church full of illegal immigrants, I asked how he could worship with people who were clearly breaking the law just by being here—and he balked. I respected this man, so I wondered aloud how he could view their actions so differently. He pointed to Paul’s approach with Onesimus, who was in Rome illegally. First, Paul shared the gospel and discipled him. Once Onesimus was useful for service, Paul sent Tychicus back with him to comply with the law. But first things first. In that conversation, I realized my own loyalties were more American than gospel-focused.

Recently, some of my guy students have acknowledged their blindness to male privilege, and their attitudes have brought others healing. Not long ago, when I was at worship, I noticed that the artwork advertising a sermon series depicted only men. Later the person leading worship said, “The men will now come forward to take the offering” when he meant “the ushers will come forward.” Sure, the ushers happened to be men. But nothing in scripture says a woman can’t usher. And the reference to gender suggested women might not be welcome to do so.  

The more I notice such gendered statements, the more I realize how much grace members of minority groups have constantly extended to those of us who live with racial privilege. We are blind in ways we don’t even know.

So here are some suggestions for moving toward unity in diversity. They are only a start!

1.     Know that God loves racial diversity. The music of the Ideal Day will include every tongue, nation, and tribe worshiping him (Rev. 7:9). It will look like the opposite of Babel as the nations converge to offer their maker praise. Racial diversity in our worship foreshadows the coming Day.

2.     Mourn, weep, and repent for the church’s past sins. I often hear, “Sure, Christians tolerated and even supported slavery. And at times, the KKK. But that was then. Today, I have nothing to do with that.” But what if Nehemiah had taken such an approach? Instead, he took responsibility for the sins of the group. Notice how he describes what he did when he heard about God’s judgment for his ancestors’ sins: "I sat down abruptly, crying and mourning for several days. I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. Then I said, ‘Please, O Lord God of heaven, great and awesome God, who keeps his loving covenant with those who love him and obey his commandments… I am confessing the sins of the Israelites that we have committed against you—both I myself and my family have sinned. We have behaved corruptly against you, not obeying the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments that you commanded your servant Moses’” (Neh. 1:4–7). Believers should have the same response to those who bring up the Crusades. They were part of the church’s past. Instead of downplaying them (especially by saying, “But the Crusades were not as bad as ____,”) the church has opportunity to say, “Yes! Our ancestors did that. They were so wrong. Many before us have repented, and we repent too. May Christ have mercy. How can we show love to those who differ theologically?”

3.     Assume we all have privilege-blindness. One way to gain better sight: initiate conversation and listen well. When I meet one-on-one with fellow believers of other races and draw them out on the subject, I find that almost without exception they acknowledge experiencing racism in the church. But they don’t want to get pegged as “touchy,” so they usually say nothing. In the same way that I won’t bring up how we introduce the ushers, their love has been covering numerous statements made by oblivious people.

4.     Love variety, as God does. Model it on preaching teams, on committees, in posters. Quote people of other races in your messages and examples. Add variety to your music. Invite people of different races into your living room and meet them in their homes. Believe your team is deficient if you have a completely homogenous group. Actively pursue a combination of differences.

5.  Acknowledge both the accomplishments and the sin. How can we acknowledge people like Jefferson? The Old Testament gives us a model. Here is how the author of 1 Kings sums up David’s life: “David had done what [the Lord his God] approved and had not disregarded any of his commandments his entire lifetime, except for the incident involving Uriah the Hittite (15:5).

5.     Repent for the church’s current sins. And pray that the Lord will reveal where blindness exists. Ask God to help you—us—to become tools that build the kind of church Christ wants to show his love to a divided world. 

The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption: A response

When I used to teach marriage conferences with my late coauthor, we drew on John Gottman’s research-based work that identifies the four most damaging patterns in marriage: withdrawal, escalation, invalidation, and negative interpretation. In the case of the latter, “no good deed goes unpunished.” If a husband brings home movie tickets for his wife, she assumes he bought them only because he wanted to see the film. If she buys him a pair of boots, he assumes she did so because she thinks his shoes are ugly.  In thewords of my father, “Damned if you do; damned if you don’t.”

Negative interpretation, like the other three communicationpatterns, is lethal to a marriage. And what negative interpretation is to amarriage, Kathryn Joyce’s book The ChildCatchers is to evangelicals in the world of adoption.

That word “Gospel” in the title was clearly chosen for itssemantic domain. Indeed, the dust jacket makes the connection overtly: the abusers of the adoptionsystem are the “tens of millions of evangelicals to whom adoption is the newfront in the culture wars.”

Let me state up front that I’m the parent of an adoptee, and I believe in adoption: biasnumber one. And I’m an evangelical: bias numerodos. Yet while these two truths about me could not help but influence how I read Kathryn Joyce’sbook, I agreed with much of what she had to say. So much so that I think those involved in the adoption triand should read herwork. The fact is, Christians and adoption could benefit from acourse correction.

In my husband’s capacity as East Africa field leader forEast-West Ministries—which has a child sponsorship program in Kitale, Kenya—oneof his tasks is to find sponsors to help keep kids in school. For children withno living parents, the African nationals who do the work on the ground haveseen to it that all orphaned children stay with their extended biologicalfamilies. The child sponsorships help make this possible for poor people. And parentless children who have no extended families to care for them go to the homes of theirlocal church members. No one goes to an orphanage. And no one comes to America.We are committed to keeping these children in their home communities. Why? Noone should lose access to a family member just because that family is poor.

But enter the millionaire do-gooders. They come along and,without consulting the local churches or organizations, erect orphanages andput their names on them. And some nationals see filling those orphanages as a way to get Western funds. So the would-be saviors inflict harm and feel goodabout it.

Indeed, often Westerners’ wealth contributes tocorruption. Poverty-stricken parents may be told their children have beenoffered an education program. Only later do these parents learn that the “exchangeprogram” they signed up for legally terminated their parental rights.

About such situations Joyce writes, “Western parentscontinue to display an incredible willingness to believe the stories of theirchildren’s provenance despite the fact that so many read as remarkably the same:hundreds of children allegedly left on police station doorsteps, swaddled inblankets and waiting to be found—a modern-day version of Moses’ basket amongthe reeds. In reality, the abandonment of babies is not such a commonoccurrence.”

Up to this point in the paragraph I agreed. But then she added,“But among Christian adopters lining up, the stories usually go unchallenged”(133). Yet she knows the phenomenon is not unique to Christians.

Only a few pages earlier, she had written about abirthmother saying that “unless she placed her child for adoption with a Mormonfamily, she would not get to the highest level of heaven” (124). She lumps in Mormons with evangelicals?

Joyce tells stories of corruption and injustice that includeeven Angelina Jolie (136), whose efforts the author sees as misguided—a reference that might be fine if the bookwas broadly about adoption. But it’s about adoption andhow evangelicals have messed up.  Sobasically, the author has gathered all the negative examples she can find andblamed the entire fire in Rome on the Christians. Never mind that many of thepeople in her stories who suffer at the hands of unethical adoption brokers areChristians themselves.

At times it seems Joyce is driven to bring up every beef she’sever had with evangelicals. In one chapter she criticizes the campaign to getrid of Kony (what does that have to do with adoption?), likening it toChristian fad advocacy (40). Shemakes Christians guilty by association (there's lots of guilt by association in this book) with the “Orphan Train” of theChildren’s Aid Society (45). She accuses Rick Warren of grandstanding (53) andassigns ill motives to those whose intentions she can’t know. She describes themovement within Christendom toward adoption as “a way for conservatives todemonstrate their compassionate side, making their antiabortion activism seemmore truly pro-life (56). She cynically describes microbusinesses as  being “money-making ventures” (150). You get theidea.

If someone does approach adoption in a way that sheconsiders just or right, she uses words withnegative nuances to describe the way they dress or wear their hair. She accusesChristians of not helping birth mothers. So the reader might expect that shewould applaud the work of Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRCs) with their free servicesthat include sonograms, classes, cribs, and diaper bags. But no Christians get a free pass. Instead, Joycequotes a critic’s assessment of PRC’s: “They say they want to help people in acrisis pregnancy, but really, they want to help themselves to a baby.” Thefacts do not bear this out. Adoption discussions are rare in PRCs, which focus onhelping birthmothers parent.

Like a good journalist, Joyce interviews people onboth sides of a story. But then she always sides with the person criticizingthe adoptive parents (e.g., 122). Part of her bias is that she is self-describedas “secular and pro-choice”—so much so that she cannot seem to imagine thatsomeone else could hold an opposite point of view from her and simultaneously be a reasonable person.

All this bias is bad. Especially because she says somethings we need to hear, and her inability to judge fairly gets in the way of her journalism.

Still, I committed to sorting through her negativeinterpretations. And having done so, I found that I agreed with about 70percent of her analysis. We evangelicals have made some mistakes—some big,huge, gaping-wound ones—in the world of adoption. The following areas arewhere I had points of agreement with her.

We should be able to assume that Christians havethe highest standards of ethics and justice. But believers have often been sofocused on rescuing that we've even bent the rules, justifying our behavior bypointing to the desperate kids. In the process we hurt ourtestimony and provide an incentive for corruption.

Birthparents andadoptees need better advocates. The people in the adoption equation withmoney are usually adoptive parents, not birth parents. Thus, the laws are moreskewed toward adoptive parents’ rights, not birth parents’, and certainly notthe adoptees. Because of this power differential, Christians should be on thefront lines speaking up for those who can’t speak for themselves (Prov. 31:8).

Money corrupts. Anytimewe show up with money in a context of deep poverty, we provide an incentive forcorruption. That is not to say we should not show up. But it does mean weshould have many checks and balances in place, and we must serve the nationalson the ground who know their subcultures better than outsiders do. And weshould never give money to people to do things they could do for themselves.

It is in the bestinterest of families for them to stay together. We should be more focused on keeping families together than rushing kids into the arms of waitingfamilies. The trauma that comes from having kids taken away, from being rippedaway from parents, from losing a community connection—these stay with peoplefor life and leave gaping wounds. We should look to adoption only as a lastresort. When nations slow their process of approving international adoptions in order to better investigate the babies' backgrounds, we should be slow to criticize.

We should cry ratherthan only rejoicing. When a new family is formed by adoption, thatpronouncement evidences someone’s brokenness. And this is where human adoptiondiffers significantly from our spiritual adoption. God created us in the firstplace. So when we become his children through adoption, we are actually twicehis. Thus, spiritual adoption is a picture of restoration. Not so with humanadoption. While it reflects deep unconditional love and choice on the part ofthe parent, it still does not picture restoration. Rather, it is sometimes a goodsolution to a tragic situation. But we often deny the tragedy.

If Jesus is the truth, weshould be zealous about truth-telling. That means we stop exaggerating thenumber of children available for adoption. It also means we go to great lengthsto verify that a child actually has no parents when we classify him or her asan “orphan.”

We must stop “caringfor orphans” at the expense of widows. We wrongly separate the phrase“widows and orphans” (Jas. 1:27); the two often go together. In many parts of theworld, when the dad/husband disappears for whatever reason, the family getssplit up. So our compassion to widows should involve fighting to keep thatfamily together rather than guilting destitute moms into giving their kids a“better life.” It is bad enough to lose a spouse; but to lose a child becauseyou lost a spouse…and to lose that child only because you are poor—Christians! Wemust do a better job of speaking up for the widow! Sending such a child toricher parents is not the best way to care for widows—or orphans.

We need a moreaccurate understanding of biblical adoption. We say adoption is a biblicalconcept, but often there’s a big gap between what we mean by “adoption” andwhat the biblical writers meant. We use Moses as an example of adoption, butMoses is actually an example of a failed adoption.Through his story we see that children never stop identifying with theirpeople—a good reason to keep families together. God used Moses’s tragedy forgood, but that does not make what happened to him a beautiful thing. Moses’sseparation from his family of origin was a disaster caused by great evil.We use Esther as a biblicalexample of adoption. But Esther was raised by a family member, not strangers.Inall the laws laid out for the people of Israel, everything from instructionsabout textiles to medical concerns, not one word is written, not one lawdictated, about adoption. People dealt with infertility either by resorting topolygamy (e.g., Hannah, 1 Samuel 1) or levirate marriage. People dealt with thedeath of parents through extended family. In either case the inheritance stayedwithin the family unit.

BeforeAbraham impregnated Hagar or Sarah, he assumed Eliezer would inherit his goods (Gen.15:3). At that time, the whole point of adoption was that a man needed a maleheir—and he found an adult male if he had no son. The emphasis was on inheritance. It was not about a littlechild entering a new family and being nurtured as if that child were their own.

Somesee adoption in Psalm 2:7: “I will proclaim the LORD’s decree: He said to me, 'You are myson; today, I have become your father.'” The emphasis here is on the Father’s choice. And also on inheritance. Thinkof this in Messianic terms: The Son who was already the Son inherits all theFather has—the world.

Inthe intertestament period, Julius Caesar made provision in his will—that is,posthumously—to adopt his great-nephew, Gaius Octavius Thurinus, 19, known tous as Octavian, or more likely, Caesar Augustus. This legal pronouncement madeAugustus the heir. Everyone in the world of Paul and John, the two New Testamentwriters who spoke of adoption, would have known this.

Inthe New Testament, Paul writes, “For you did not receive the spirit ofslavery leading again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whomwe cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself bears witness to our spirit that weare God’s children. And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and alsofellow heirs with Christ)…  (Rom. 8:15–17).Note the contrast with slavery and the connection of adoption with inheritance.

Inheritance is not the first thingWesterners think of when we adopt, but it would have been an integral part of theNew Testament writers’ perceptions of adoption.

InGalatians 4:4–5, Paul writes, “But when the appropriate time had come, God sentout his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who wereunder the law, so that we may be adopted as sons with full rights.” Notice theemphasis on rights. The contrastwould be with slavery, in which a person had no rights, not even to his or herown body.  

In Ephesians 1: 5–6 we read thatGod “did this [choosing us] by predestining us to adoption as his sons throughJesus Christ, according to the pleasure of his will— to the praise of the gloryof his grace that he has freely bestowed on us in his dearly loved Son.” Theemphasis here is on God’s choice, not ours. We did nothing.

Inshort, while biblical adoption is secondarily about love and affection, it isprimarily a picture of choice and benefits, especially of inheritance.

Some parents need torethink the language they use with adopted kids. Parents who viewthemselves as saving waifs who should be eternally grateful for the gift ofparents have it backwards. Yes, children are to honor their parents, butScripture says “Children are a giftfrom the Lord” (Ps. 127:3, italics mine). The parents are the ones who shouldbe expressing gratitude. Imagine if Pharaoh’s daughter had communicated, “Youare so lucky you got pulled away from those slaves. Here in the palace, you arerich. And loved. Your life is so much better than it would have been. Youshould act more grateful.” Our kids are better served by our grieving with themabout their loss as we express our gratitude to God that he has blessed us withthem.

Nobody should adopt akid to gain gold stars with God. Nor should they speak of adoption asrescuing, doing good works, or as anything remotely associated with charity.That’s insulting. Nor should they assume they will “save” kids spiritually byadopting them.

We should never usethe Bible as an Ouija Board. That is—opening the text and getting a“message” that has nothing to do with the context or authorial intent. Theauthor objects to this, and I agree. Some believers she interviewed spoke ofreceiving messages from God this way. Often they justified their questionable practicesbecause they said God told them to do what they were doing. Certainly God canspeak through a donkey, but that does not mean it is his preferred method. Suchan approach is not “handling accurately the Word of truth” (2 Tim. 2:15).

Children with specialneeds require a lot of extra love and affection. Let me say that again. If the kids have special needs, they require extra love and attention and services. Parents who keep adopting sixteen more kids when they have already adopted some with special needs should do so only in a context of much accountability and counsel. Because in thesame way that some people can’t seem to stop having plastic surgery, some can’tseem to stop looking for babies to adopt.  The church and adoption agencies musthelp them. We have a responsibility to the kids, if not the parents, in suchsituations.

Sometimes God chooses those who oppose us to help us see thetruth. In the ironic story of Jonah, the lost sailors were more righteous thanGod’s prophet. In the story of Baalam, the donkey—not the person chosen as God’smouthpiece—spoke the truth. In the case of TheChildcatchers, an author who negatively interprets just about everything Christiansdo still gets some things right.

Our Father twice-over accepts this as pure and faultless:that we look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep ourselves frombeing unstained by the world. May the apple start to fall a little closer to the tree.

What They Don't Tell You (but should!) about Short-Term Mission Trips

(Here's my Engage post for the week.) 

Researchers estimate that more than a million people per year take short-term mission trips (STMs).  Some say that in the 13- to 17-year-old bracket, that number is closer to two million.

When I took my first STM, a seasoned missionary told my friend cynically, “She will probably get a lot more out of the trip than any of the nationals she’s going to help.” I like to think the people I met on that trip—some of whom I still have regular contact with—would say he was wrong. Still, it would have helped to have some guidance for avoiding pitfalls.

Today—many STMs later— my husband is a missionary, and we have seen first-hand what does and doesn’t help. Additionally, I took a poll of some ministry workers. So here are some suggestions for your group’s next trip.

Prepare well. Before going, read a history of the country where you’re going, catch up on current events there, and read books such as When Helping Hurts.Truly serve. One person told of teens and single men sitting through a marriage conference their team was helping to provide while the local pastor had to hire someone to care for his kids because such work was “beneath” them.Invest in the long term. Consider partnering with one church in one place over a long term. Rather than using mission trips to see different parts of the world, really develop one relationship.Let the locals call the shots. Ask the nationals to tell you the best week or month to visit. Make sure the time you have chosen is actually best for them. Student teams going over spring break often arrive at the host country when kids there are in school, and the church has no extra hands to spare for translators or hosting. Going at Christmas may be less convenient for the STM team, but much more convenient for those who “can easily add more beans to the pot.”If your group goes to build something, make sure they aren’t taking work from nationals who could benefit from the income. Sometimes churches in the developing world will invite teams to do such projects because the Americans often leave lump sums at the end that the nationals grow to depend on.Look at the economics. If your group plans to spend $10,000 in travel, lodging, and food to build a $7,000 school foundation, you might want to reconsider.Do for the nationals only what they cannot do for themselves. Creating dependency on STM teams is unhealthy for the receiving organization.Assume that the people you are going to help will also teach and minister to you. See the relationship as give-and-take. Never view the nationals as the primary recipients. See yourselves as the nationals’ students. And notice in what ways you are impoverished that they are rich.Take cues from the ministry workers on the ground. One husband, ignoring the advice of the local missionary, built orphanages in his wife’s name as a gift to her—in a place where the church was moving to a model that was emptying orphanages in favor of supporting kids in extended family members’ homes. Today those buildings sit empty.  Think twice about going simply to play with/do VBS for kids in orphanages. The process of bonding and separating can complicate existing attachment issues. The money may be better spent supporting a relative of the orphan, such as an aunt, who cannot afford to raise the child but could do so if the funds were available.Replace references to “third world” countries with references to the “developing world.” The former ranks the receiving country below the sending country, suggesting superiority on the part of those lending aid.Let them reciprocate. A Texas congregation with a sister church on the US/Mexico border took a seminary student with them who was from Mexico and assigned him the task of talking with the local pastor privately to find out if there was anything they could do to better serve. That conversation yielded a number of suggestions: Stay on the Mexico side of the border every night instead of seeming to “flee to safety” on the US side; and invite the receiving church up to help with VBS—creating a true partnership. Notice they didn’t say, “Don’t come.” But rather, do it better.

What advice do you have for those leading STMs?  

On Journalism, Blasphemy, and Free Speech

I've been asked my opinion on the ideas surrounding the tragedy in Paris....

Free speech serves the greater good. That is why I support the legality of Martin Rowson’s right to mock my faith, which he has very publicly been doing. Still, I don’t have to sit back and take it—I can use non-violent means to argue. I can blog about it. I can say I disagree. I could even go picket his publication. Or mock him in a cartoon.

Trying to convince him of the superiority of my faith by using bullets would be a ridiculous approach. (Still, I think ISIS will come out ahead on this, because more people will circulate the blasphemous cartoons, and thus convince more moderate Muslims that they live in an evil context that must be opposed.)

I believe in free speech. It is the standard to which I subscribe, which means allowing people in the culture at large to blaspheme without killing them. I also support the right of people to cuss me out. But that does not mean they are obligated or correct to do so. It means only that laws disallowing them from doing so would do the public a disservice. Images of police hauling off people who speak against what I believe is not the way to convince anyone of what I believe. Having the freedom to speak about the glories of Christ means also allowing others to say the opposite. If I want to have freedom, I have to allow for others to have the same. Do unto others....

That said, I agree with the atheist journalist who wisely pointed out that there is a line between blasphemy and satire. Good journalists responsibly discern the difference. Blasphemy is a form of religious discrimination, distressing people unnecessarily to no good end. Satire is a form of challenge, of protest, designed to make people think. The former destroys; the latter can improve society.

I pretty much agree with Ross Douthat, the New York Times columnist, on this issue.

As a post script, I must add that some of those interviewed are saying the job of a journalist is getting harder. And indeed, it is. But it is also getting harder in many places to speak freely as a Christian. According to Open Doors, 4,344 Christians were reported to have been killed in 2014—more than double the 2,123 killed in 2013, and more than triple the 1,201 killed the year before that. Talk about violation of free speech! Cartoonists are not the only ones suffering at the hands of extremists.

Movie: Veil of Tears

The documentary "Veil of Tears" introduces viewers to India in its beauty and complexity. The film's special focus is on the women and their plight in a broad range of locales:

More than 50,000 female children are aborted every month in South Asia.Females are often the last to eat and the most likely to be illiterate.Girls are typically the first to work as child laborers and sometimes even sold to become one of 1.2 million child prostitutes.Young girls throughout Asia are ravenously abducted and forced into a life of prostitution with every agonizing day one step closer to an early death from AIDS.Widows in India bear the blame for their husbands’ deaths. They’re shunned by their communities, rejected by their families and forced into an inhumane lifestyle. Tens of thousands take their own lives just to end the pain.Every year in India, more than 7,000 women are doused with kerosene and burned to death—by their husbands. The wife’s crime: an insufficient dowry.Many women cannot be approached by men due to cultural customs, making their slim chance of hearing the Gospel even slimmer.
What can be done?

Trained women are the perfect solution to reach other women. Each female national who receives training already lives in Asia. In preparation for alleviating the plight of the poor, she has gone through three years of intensive training. The following advantages make her ideal to reach women in Asia:

She moves freely in areas restricted to outsiders or men and is accepted in good times and bad.She knows the cultural taboos instinctively.She has already mastered the language or a related dialect.She lives among the community, eating the same food, wearing the same clothes, and sharing the same cultural interests.She has a passion and burden to reach women in Asia.
In many Asian cultures, men and women rarely mix, so traditional male missionaries are severely limited in ministering to women. However, it is possible to send trained, dedicated women to reach the millions. And that's exactly what's happening. In this moving documentary, viewers meet some of them and learn how to have a part in their work.

The film treats the poor with dignity, showing their gorgeous smiling faces and their tears and leaves viewers filled with hope rather than despair.

Is Racism Still a Problem?

Today I'm happy to have as my guest Trillia Newbell, author of United: Captured by God's Vision for Diversity. 

On the Last Day everytongue and tribe will be represented in the glorious chorus praising God withone voice. Yet today our churches remain segregated. Can we reflect the beautyof the last day this day? United willinspire, challenge, and encourage readers to pursue the joys of diversitythrough stories of the author’s own journey and a theology of diversity livedout. Civil Rights leaders offifty years ago fought hard to overturn the “separate but equal” Jim Crow laws.America has come a long way since the 60′s. Our public facilities, parks,pools, and educational facilities—once segregated—are now filled with a varietyof ethnic groups enjoying the benefits of togetherness. Yet, our churchesremain separate but equal. In a time of great progress, why does the churchremain relatively unmoved? —Introduction to United: Captured By God’s Vision for Diversity

Q: Is racism still a problem in thiscountry in 2014?

A.To be honest, it’s easy to feel discouraged about where we’re at today, and—inthose moments—I have to remind myself about the progress that has been made,most especially in broader society. We know that civil rights leaders of fiftyyears ago fought hard, risking life and limb, to overturn the “separate butequal” Jim Crow laws. Those leaders hoped that blacks and whites would enjoylife together and that blacks would no longer be subjected to discriminationand hate crimes. This was the dream for the entire nation. Martin Luther KingJr. famously shared his dream that “one day right there in Alabama little blackboys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys andwhite girls as sisters and brothers.” America has clearly come a long way sincethe 1960s. Our public facilities, parks, pools, and educational facilities—oncesegregated—are now filled with a variety of ethnic groups enjoying the benefitsof their liberties. Yet our churches too often remain separate but equal.

Q: After so much progress in society, why does the churchremain relatively unmoved?

A:Perhaps we are all tired of the conversation about race. It doesn’t take muchto recognize that our country continues to be divided along racial lines.Perhaps it seems that the country is moving toward unity, but it’s afaçade—just check your local news. And though our society may want to move on,we can’t, and neither can or should the church. Maybe our churches remainsegregated simply because it’s comfortable. There’s nothing malicious to it; weare just more comfortable with “our own.” But also, it might be becausediversity and racial issues are scary. Talking about race and racialreconciliation can be downright terrifying. No one wants to offend, and in ourpolitically correct society, who would blame you? If you say the wrong thing,ask the wrong question, or call someone by the wrong name, will they be angry? Areyou black or African-American? Chinese or Asian? Hispanic, Latino, or Mexican? Thisis an explosive topic, and sometimes it seems that the wisest course of actionis to avoid it at all costs.

Q: You believe it’s vitally important to fight through therisks and the discomfort in order to fully live out the Gospel of Christ.

A:Yes. We can so clearly see throughout Scripture that God celebrates thediversity of His creation. He does not distinguish between races: He createdman in His own image, sent His Son to save the world, and saves anyone whobelieves. God calls Christians to be imitators of Christ and to walk in love.If He doesn’t show partiality, neither should we. The problem with the currentchurch model and experience for most of us is that while we affirm these truthswith our lips, Sunday morning reveals a different story.

Q: Your father played a big part in shaping your desire toembrace diversity...

A:Absolutely. I remember sitting on my Dad’s lap as a young girl while he toldstories about being beaten for not standing to sing “Dixie” at a sporting eventand about the torture and pain that many blacks experienced in the South. He’dend his sobering stories, which never failed to rile me up, by saying, “But,Trillia, we need to love everyone regardless of race or religion.” As a result,I grew up wanting to accept everyone, despite my own rejection at times. It washow my father raised me—to love those who hate you.

Q: How did becoming a Christian change your perspective on identity?

A: What I began to discover shortly after high school as I started growing in my Christian faith was that my identity is notsolely that I am a black female, nor is it dependent on what others think ofme. My identity is in Christ. When I find my identity in Christ and not inoutward appearance, there’s satisfaction. I’m satisfied in Him because He lovesme. I finally understood that my identity is not my own—my identity isn’t aboutme. But it’s one thing to know this truth; it’s another to understand it andhave opportunities to apply it. I am thankful that I have found thoseopportunities within my church and throughout my walk with Christ.Understanding that my identity is no longer in my blackness, what I do anddon’t do, or how others view me has been incredibly freeing. This knowledgeallows me to enjoy my relationship with Christ and my relationships withothers. It has also provided me the opportunity to enjoy my identity as a blackwoman in a better way. Being black is a part of my identity. But it isn’t myentire identity.

Stay tuned for part 2. 

Mary DeMuth: Not Marked

Happy birthday to my friend, Mary DeMuth! Today also marks the launch of her crowd-sourced book, Not Marked. Here's what Mary has to say about it:

I'm humbled and grateful to be here today. A huge thank youto Sandra for allowing me to share my heart.

A little background: I've sharedmysexual abuse story in the past few years, but I haven't always beenso open. Initially I kept it silent for a decade, then over-shared, then wentsilent another decade. The healing journey hasn't been easy, but it has beengood.

About a year ago, I sensed God wanted me to be bold insharing about sexual abuse. I wrote "TheSexy Wife I Cannot Be" on Deeper Story,which went crazy (so many comments), followed by "I'mSick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife" on ChristianityToday. The overwhelming response [editor's note: Huffington Post ran a piece that mentioned it] to those two posts prompted me towrite Not Marked: FindingHope and Healing after Sexual Abuse.

The book proved too risky for publishers, so Idecided to crowdfund it, which turned out to be an amazing success. Icannot believe that now I can hold Not Marked in my hands,and also offer it to you. What'sunique about it: It's written from the perspective of a survivor. Itdoesn't offer cliche answers. It's honest. And my husband shared his uniquejourney of how to walk a loved one through their healing from sexual abuse.

The following is an excerpt from Not Marked—two commonlyasked questions I get about recovering from past sexual abuse.

I don’t understand how any good canpossibly come from the sexual abuse I experience as a kid and as a teen. Andwhen I share my story, I often wonder if those people have any idea how much Ihurt.

Oh, I have felt your pain, and there are days I still remain in those samequestions.

Whatgood can come from suffering?

Forpart of that answer I go back to Job, who lost everything—his children, hislivelihood, his health, his will to live. He heard God at the beginning of hisordeal, but the scripture says he sees God at the end. That’s what I want. Tosee God. Counterintuitively, I see God in the midst of my trials much more thanI see Him in my prosperity. Those trials in my life drove me to God. Notfinding appropriate love made me long for perfect love. Feeling alone helped mereach my hand to a God who was there. When I think about it that way, I beginto thank God for the trials because they plunge me back into His embrace.

Still,if I believe God is omnipotent, loving, and omnipresent, I have a hard timereconciling why He would allow a child to be abused. After all, as a parent, Iwould do anything to prevent abuse in my kids. So why wouldn’t God? I don’thave adequate answers even today. However, I’ve come to the place where I havechosen to rest in God’s paradoxical plan. The truth is He will redeem it. Howhe accomplishes that is different for each person. Please know that these wordsI write are not flip or throwing out pat answers. These understandings havebeen hard won.

Dopeople have any idea how much you hurt? Probably not. Not everyone willunderstand your story. Not everyone will have empathy. And it’s unfair toexpect they will. Other victims may come close to understanding your pain. Butthe only One who truly understands exactly how you feel is God. So pour outyour pain to him.

Mindif I pray for you?

Lord, why? Why do You allow rape inpeople’s lives like you do? Help us to wrestle long enough so that we nestleonce again in Your arms. Be the protector we need. Help us to work through thequestions. I pray they drive us closer to You, not further away. Lord Jesus,redeem these awful parts of our story. Make them sing. Use us to touch many,many women with Your grace. But we need to be filled with Your grace first.Fill us to overflowing. Right now. In this moment. Shower us with Yourunconditional love. Help us see ourselves as You see us: spotless, beautiful,worthy of redemption. Amen.

 I don’t understand why sex could possiblybe considered good. It only makes me feel used. What’s your take?

Ihave to go back to the book of Genesis to see how sex was intended to be verygood. Unfortunately, after the fall of humanity, even the most intimate actbecame tainted with power struggles, abuse, and all sorts of darkness. To behonest, I still struggle with understanding the benefit of sex outside ofprocreation. But as I grow in my marriage, in that mutually beneficial place ofsurrender, I am beginning to glimpse its beauty. Sex is fun. Sex brings mecloser to my husband in a way nothing else does, binding me completely to him.Sex means pleasure. It provides release, particularly from stress. It helps ustake our minds off a crazy day. It teaches us servanthood and kindness. It caneven be funny.

Thatbeing said, I don’t think only sexual abuse victims struggle with sex beingbeautiful. In our subculture, we’ve been taught it’s a dirty no-no for so manyyears, that turning that switch from taboo to terrific isn’t easy.

Somany people feel as you do, that sex isn’t good, that it’s an act where oneperson takes and the other gives more than she wants. Feeling used is verynormal for a sexual abuse victim, and the shift from used to tolerable toenjoyable takes a lot of time. Part of that is re-training your mind that Godcreates good things—sex included. It’s recognizing that you experiencedviolation, and that violation warped sex for you. Pursuing healing and daringto go to the dark places eventually brings light to sex’s beauty.

Not Marked (e-version) 
Not Marked (print version)
The book's website 

Part 10: Rape Culture and Government

In this continuing series, guest blogger Toria helps us consider rape culture and how better to “do justice” for women. Warning: May contain explicit images, language, and/or triggers.

In many parts of the United States government officials—almost always men—trivialize rape.

• Senator Todd Akin caused outrage in August 2012 for arguing his stance on abortion by saying that “legitimate rapes” rarely make women pregnant because their bodies could “shut that wholething down.” Several politicians have made similar statements about women being almost incapable of conceiving a child as a result of rape, as well as discussing the different ‘”levels” and “severities” of rape as a means of justifying the acts.
• Steve King of Iowa voted against a bill proposing an expansion of police power when investigating rape claims by Native American women on tribal land. He said that “they didn’t know what they were talking about,” despite studies saying that Native American women in the U.S. are 2.5 times more likely to be raped than other women and are more likely to suffer additional violence in the process. (This has been the case for decades, if not centuries. There was even a video game in the 1980s in which the player has to survive a stream of arrows to reach a Native American woman who was tiedup on the opposite side of the screen, and his reward is to rape her.)
• Ken Buck, a district attorney-turned-politician, once declined to prosecute a rapist because hebelieved that the victim was suffering from what he called “buyer’s remorse,” even though the rapist had admitted that his victim had told him “no."
• In April 2011, Alan Saldanha, a Green Party candidate from the Vancouver area of British Columbia, posted on Facebook, “If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it!” Clayton Williams of Texas said the same thing in 1990, causing him to lose the gubernatorial election to Ann Richards.
• Roger Rivard, a member of the Wisconsin State Assembly, is on record as telling his son that some girls “rape easy,” meaning that if they have premarital sex, it might start out consensual but they would be “cry[ing] rape” in the morning.

 The “she just regretted it the next day” false-claim argument is frequently used in debates over rape culture to derail the conversation. It should be noted that only 2–8% of reported rapes are false in any given area. It’s astounding the number of people, especially people with political power, who think that it is more important to focus on these false claims than on the other 90%+ of the claims.

Part 4: Consent vs. Non-Consent

In this continuing series, guest blogger Toria helps us consider rape culture and how better to “do justice” for women. Warning: Some explicit images ahead.

• A rape doesn’t suddenly become consensual sex if the victim has an orgasm. A lot of people say that if the victim has an orgasm, she must have enjoyed it. The truth is that an orgasm is the result of physical stimulation, not necessarily from pleasurable contact. A person can have an orgasm whether they want to or not under some circumstances. An involuntary bodily reaction does not constitute consent.
•  You cannot buy a person’s consent. For example, in the movie Easy A, a teenage girl named Olive gains a reputation for pretending to sleep with her male classmates so that their reputations will get a boost; in return, they secretly give her money or gift cards. One boy, after going on a date with her and paying her, forcefully kisses Olive and keeps trying to kiss her after she pushes him away and tells him to stop. He gets angry, saying that he paid her, so where is she going? This kind of logic is used by a lot of johns (i.e. people who go to sex workers) who abuse, assault and rape sex workers for not consenting to doing certain acts with them. Sex workers can be assaulted and raped just like anyone else; paying someone for sex doesn’t excuse someone from ignoring the words “no” or “stop.”

 Note from SG: Check out this Barna research on what Americans believe constitutes sexual harassment.