Lean In ≠ Keep Others Down

Recently the NY Times ran an article titled "A Feminism Where Leaning In Means Leaning on Others." The author, Gary Gutting, interviewed a feminist who was critical of Sheryl Sandberg and her approach to business in her book Lean In (reviewed on this site). The interviewee was Nancy Fraser, professor of philosophy and politics at The New School. She is the author of Fortunes of Feminism: From State-Managed Capitalism to Neoliberal Crisis. Fraser said, "For me, feminism is not simply a matter of getting a smattering of individual women into positions of power and privilege within existing social hierarchies. It is rather about overcoming those hierarchies. This requires challenging the structural sources of gender domination in capitalist society—above all, the institutionalized separation of two supposedly distinct kinds of activity."First of all, this interchange provides a good example of how liberal feminists and radical feminists differ in their approaches—as different as Protestants and Roman Catholics. The liberal feminist works within the system to bring justice; the radical thinks the whole male-dominated system is corrupt and nothing short of revolution will fix this. A subset is Marxist feminism, which has as its special focus capitalism and work.Now then, I think it's unfortunate that Fraser summarizes Sandberg as trying to get more women into corner offices. The end result of her counsel may be just that. But the goal is not to make all working women CEO's and COOs. Indeed, Sandberg is in no way down on being a stay-at-home mom, nor is she oblivious to those of lower socioeconomic class.Lean In was written to the working woman. Its examples include mostly women of middle- to upper-class socioeconomic status, because that is where the author lives; but she does not call all women to have that status. The woman I know who cleans houses —Lean In's principles apply to her too. If she needs to charge more because the value of her work has gone up, she benefits from Sandberg's wise job counsel. If this woman needs a mentor to help her grow her business, she benefits from Sandberg again.The book was not just about gaining corporate power or having a certain kind of job. It was not even saying a woman has to be in the corporate world to get ahead. This is a common criticism of feminism—that it undervalues the non-corporate woman's work. But that is an unfair characterization. A stay-at-home mom needs the same principles. She needs to know how to avoid shrinking back. To learn to be unafraid of asking for something. If she needs a respite day—if she needs to do some self-care—ask for it. Plan for it. Know what she needs and not fear that doing so is unfeminine or selfish or that she is unworthy of it.Yes, Sandberg leans on others. But she also pays them for their services. And every employed person being paid benefits from the same principles, regardless of where their work falls in the food chain. Just because some have more social power in their work—that does not mean the job they hold is the ideal. As I said, Sandberg does not expect everybody to become a CEO or a COO. What she does believe is that women can do a better job of strategizing and sitting at the table—including asking for what we need to meet any jobs' demands.   

Q&A with Carolyn McCulley: On Women, Work, and the Home

I'm happy to have as my guest today Carolyn McCulley, author of The Measure of Success: Uncovering the Biblical Perspective on Women, Work and the Home:

Welcome, Carolyn! Your book is about work, success, and family life as a woman. And you’re not afraid to say, “Yes, women should work.” Tell us what you mean by that.

Should women work? Absolutely! Women should work and work hard every day. The Bible calls Christ-following women to work for the glory of God. But the location where we work is neither the definition nor the measure of our success. I think it’s no surprise that far more verses in the Proverbs 31 portrait of a successful woman are about productivity and financial management than relationships. In the biblical narrative, work is a co-labor of love, tasks done in partnership with a gracious God who uses our labors to bless others. In response to criticism that He healed a sick man on the Sabbath, Jesus said, “My Father is working until now, and I am working” (John 5:17 ESV). His work was to glorify His Father and help others. Ours is the same.

Why do you think there is so much controversy, not just in the church, but also in society, about whether or not women should work outside the home?

There’s always a new controversy erupting. As I was working on this book, one top technology executive was rounding the speaking circuit telling women how to be more ambitious. Another top technology executive built a nursery next to her office and returned to work after a mere two-week maternity leave. Then she ruffled the “sisterhood” by recalling the work-at-home privileges for her employees. A third woman, a successful professor, published an article seriously skewering the idea that women can have it all. Each time, factions from multiple perspectives fired warning shots into the blogosphere that these were untenable ideas. Individual skirmishes in the “Mommy Wars” always have collateral damage—wounding weary women who are trying to do the best they can with the resources, opportunities, and responsibilities that they have. We need perspective.

So you wrote this book as a way to offer some perspective…

Absolutely. I am passionate about calling out “facts” that don’t line up with the grace, mercy, and freedom offered to us in the gospel of Jesus Christ—especially for those who have never heard that good news! That’s why I wanted to write this book: to help women in all stages of life think clearly about the God-given gifts and opportunities they have, and how to invest those individual and specific situations in light of eternity. What we really need to know is the purpose of work or how to think about the multiple facets of productivity that make women’s work different from men’s. This isn’t a new idea. What we really need are timeless wisdom principles straight from Scripture.

We should think as recipients who will one day give an account for how we managed what we were given. We are stewards of all that we have received, including our relationships. It is God who gives us the relationships, children, time, talents, interests, opportunities, and tasks that fill our days and years. We may be wives or mothers, but as important as these are, they are roles that end in this life. We continue on into eternity as children of God and sisters to those who have been rescued by Christ. We may work in highly esteemed professions or we may not be paid for our daily labors. Those roles are not our identities, either. They are merely opportunities to be invested for the glory of God. Those things God gives us in terms of relationships and opportunities, He wants multiplied for the sake of His kingdom. That’s the true measure of success.

Many hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as the ideal. Do you think that's wrong?

Not completely. But the most important thing you need to know about this Old Testament “superwoman” is that she never existed. Found at the conclusion of the Old Testament’s book of wisdom, she is only an archetype of what an excellent woman looks like, a compilation of fruitful activity in various seasons of life. Though we might think we know the Proverbs 31 woman well, once again we need to dust off our notions of her and examine this tribute closely to “reveal” what we can learn from her. This poetic tribute is a jumble of feminine qualities—addressing relationships, productivity, fruitfulness, and financial savvy—with only one short verse about beauty. It’s easy to overlook the fact that this chapter has a lot more to say about her work than anything else. This virtuous woman is praiseworthy because she has “done excellently.” It’s her hard work that earns her commendation. Motivated by a love and respect for the Lord—her crowning virtue—her work is fruitful, praiseworthy, and excellent. The fruit of her diligent labors marks the final sentence in this Old Testament book of wisdom.

You go back even further into the Old Testament to find the purpose of our work...

Yes. In Genesis. In the very first action word that follows the creation of mankind, we find our purpose: to fill and subdue the world. Not like some monarch who issues impossible demands so that all her servants scurry to accomplish her will. We are created to subdue, or rule over, the world so that our labors imitate our working, creative God. Verse 28 expands clearly upon that concept with this command—given to both male and female—“be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it.” In the paradise God created, human beings were designed to work and it was called very good. Work is how we imitate God. “When God created people and placed them in a perfect garden, work was part of his provision to give life meaning,” theologian Leland Ryken writes. “It can still have that purpose today.”

You encourage readers by saying that God gives us the grace we need to transform our daily work right now. How does he do that? 

God transforms our work by first transforming us. This is the effect of the gospel on our work: God gives us hope that He can take our less-than-perfect attitude about work and sanctifies it, all because we are united with Christ. He takes what we have (which isn’t much) into His perfection, giving it all the qualities we don’t possess. Knowing this helps us to avoid segregating work into secular and sacred categories—for to God, all work is a sacred calling. It’s important to remember that God is working through you even in the most mundane tasks. The antidote to this feeling of meaningless is remembering that our Creator has given dignity to our work.

Do you think Mary and Martha's story is relevant for today's woman, and if so, why?  

Yes. First, no husbands were mentioned for either of these women. No children were mentioned, either. Perhaps they had them once. Perhaps they would have them in the future. But also, no mention was made of their social status, either by wealth or social connections or job skills. Their one identity that was most important was the one that would exist forever: a follower of Christ. This is the identity we need to affirm among ourselves, not the labels that come with the kind of labor we do. As Christians, we are to be grounded in this identity, even as we add other roles and ways to express that identity in relationship to others. We might have an interesting job for a season. We might be married for a season. We might have children at home for a season. But those things can be taken away from us or never given to us at all. They are gifts for this life only.

For many, ambition—especially in women—is a negative word. But you think otherwise…

We all want something. That’s the drive behind ambition. The truth is that we were actually created to be this way. God has made us to be people who have desires. Jesus knows we have desires. This is why He came to earth. Sin corrupted our drive and our desires. Jesus came to redeem that brokenness and to give us renewed desires. He doesn’t tell us to quit being ambitious. He just tells us to quit being fools amassing useless junk like those poor souls featured on a hoarders program. Go for the gold, Jesus says, the real gold.

There are women who are trying to do it all, balancing work and home life. How would you encourage them today?

First, the work you are doing has eternal significance so don’t give up. If you are raising your children to fear the Lord, then you have already given them an incredible inheritance. Second, remember that your sacrifices will be rewarded: “So don’t throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised” (Heb. 10:35–36, emphasis added).

You liken the woman in mid-life to a head coach—as one who helps others achieve success.

As a midlife manager, mother, or wife, you job can be described as coaching others to greatness. At home or at work, you are building a team—and the required skill sets are extraordinarily similar. A good coach of either gender is supposed to call forth the best possible qualities and performances of his or her team by providing the resources, tools, and guidance needed to achieve concrete and specific goals. Management is really a form of serving—meaning it is directed at making others the best they can be in order to achieve a larger goal. As Christians, we shouldn’t be looking to achieve a certain level of success just to impress others or win lots of awards; instead we should be asking and praying for the kind of success that draws people to the steadfast love of God. This is the head coach’s ultimate mission and He defines a successful team by this benchmark.

Wives Are Parents, Husbands Are Babysitters?

Here's today's Tapestry post:

Years ago, an author of a book on men and women in ministry with a PhD from a evangelical seminary spoke at a bring-your-own lunch workshop at another such school. Her opinions included the option that a woman might have biblical grounds for contributing economically to the household—a concept she pulled right out of Proverbs 31. Finally, one of the people in attendance raised a hand and asked, “But wouldn’t you concede that the ideal is for the woman to be home full-time raising the kids while the man is out working?"

She seemed ashamed. "Yes. That is the ideal."

At that time, my brother-in-law, Mark, and my sister, Mary, lived six blocks away. And Mark walked one of my nieces to school every morning while my sister left to teach school. A seminary student with a flexible work schedule, Mark was known in the neighborhood as the dad every kid wanted. Some afternoons my nieces came straight to our house until their parents arrived home. And none of us viewed this as unideal. In fact, we all loved it! The girls had the deep involvement of both parents, as well as the support of the extended family unit. And we enjoyed their presence.

So I think neither the speaker nor the questioner at that lunchtime talk went far enough. If we're going to speak in the realm of ideals, isn't the ideal for both parents to be around?

"She's at home, he's away at work" is a post-Industrial Revolution perspective. And while we might say it's a luxury to have a dad around during the day, it's also a luxury to have a mom around during the day. Having either set-up is a choice almost exclusively limited to two-parent, middle- and upper-class households.  

But here's the good news. Despite technology’s many consequences, one benefit is that flexible work hours are increasingly available to both men and women. A couple can contribute to the economics of their household, be available to the kids, and never have to pay a dime for daycare or leave a child without at least one parent at all times (unless they're on a date). 

Consider what life was like in an agrarian society without modern conveniences. Both parents worked at home. Mama never got down on the floor to play “Candyland” with her little ones—she was too busy canning peaches, ironing, and feeding the rabbits. And Papa was out in the field or perhaps in the shop doing blacksmith work, engaged in the tasks that required more physical strength. But he was around. And the kids spent a portion of the day helping him. Sometimes Grandma would take the kids and give both parents a break.

But industrialization yanked both fathers and mothers from the home. And until we had child labor laws, it pulled the kids out too. Only middle- and upper-class families could afford to have one parent at home. And the divorce rate skyrocketed, as the family unit no longer worked together for the common good. They hardly saw or knew each other. Even in middle-class homes where the father was the sole breadwinner and they could afford to have one parent at home full-time, the family experienced consequences. In the words of one of my students, “Our American mindset always makes it about money, and it simply isn't always about money. A man provides leadership, companionship, discipline, stability, and whatever else his gifting and abilities contribute. Having been raised in a traditional home that was bereft of a male role model because of my dad's long hours at work, I feel the void and don't believe that is God's design either."

So, the so-called biblical ideal of Mom at home with kids and Dad at the office or in the factory is really only a Westernized application of “provide for one’s own” and “be workers at home.” (Re. the latter, Paul was doubtless writing to women who were, for the most part, already contributing economically from home, and the emphasis was not on the location but on hard work.) 

One of the most devastating effects of this division of labor was and is a creeping sense that God did not “make” men to handle being around kids. Our language expresses this concept when we refer to mothers as “parents,” but dads as “babysitters.” I observe this phenomenon especially when the women go away on a retreat.

In the words of one Christian social historian, “When did we make it socially acceptable for men to be incompetent as parents?” Case in point...

A male economist/theology student with whom I discussed these ideas this week, upon viewing this clip wrote with grace: 

"It is such a denial of so many giftings that he already has and could develop. It's not so black and white. it's not "man go" "woman stay" and anything inbetween is not ideal or unbiblical. This echoes what I [feel] about wanting to engage more with my kids someday (hopefully!). Maybe being at home with my kids during the day some wouldn't be a bad thing?"  

God did not create women for childrearing and men for work. God gave both man and woman two tasks: Have dominion over the earth and be fruitful and multiply. And both male and female are needed, fully, to accomplish both tasks. How that looks today can vary. So let us show some grace and flexibility in considering how best to work out our Christianity when it comes to economics, the household, and childrearing. 

Work Smarter

 A 2006 survey found that the main causes ofstress in respondents’ lives broke down as follows:

·           46% workload

·           28% personal issues

·           20% juggling work/personal lives

·             6% other

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·        That’smore than half of the stress connected in some way with work. And according tothe Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine, health careexpenditures are nearly 50% greater for workers who report high levels ofstress.

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·       Whatcan we do to cut work-related stress?

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·        *  Have clear expectations. This requirescommunicating—like emailing a meeting summary to say, “Here’s what I think youexpect from me based on our discussion. Do I understand correctly?”

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·         *   Limit work hours. Whether you workeight, nine, or twelve hours, the work will keep accumulating. Take your lunchbreak, holidays, and an annual vacation. A rested, un-frazzled employeeultimately produces more.

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·         *  Set realistic goals for each day. Keepinga to-do list in order of priority will help you focus. If you need to let thephone pick up messages from 2–3 PM so you can stay focused, do it.