Survey: Vast Numbers of Christian Men Addicted to Porn and Having Affairs

By Mark Ellis, Senior Correspondent, ASSIST News Service

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (ANS) — A national survey of Christianmen reveals that alarming numbers are using porn and engaging in sexualinfidelity.

The 2014 survey was commissioned by Proven Men Ministriesand conducted by Barna Group among adult men who identified themselves asChristians.

The statistics for Christian men between the ages of 18–30are striking: Some 77% view pornography at least monthly; 36% view pornographyat least daily; and 32% admit their addiction to porn (another 12% think theymay be addicted).

The survey's results for middle-aged Christian men (ages 31–49)are no less disturbing: Some 64% view pornography at least monthly; and 18%admit being addicted to pornography (another 8% think they may be).

Some 55% of married Christian men viewed porn at leastmonthly, and 35% had a sexual affair while married, according to the Barnasurvey.

"These statistics knock the wind right out ofyou," says Joel Hesch, the founder of Proven Men Ministries. "Theredefinitely is a problem with pornography and affairs among Christian men, andpeople are starving for the church to step forward with solutions. Pornographyis one of the biggest unaddressed problems in the church.”

Those who identify themselves as born-again Christians revealed similar struggles with pornographyand affairs, with 54% admitting they look at pornography at least once a monthand 31% having had a sexual affair while married.

Mary DeMuth: Not Marked

Happy birthday to my friend, Mary DeMuth! Today also marks the launch of her crowd-sourced book, Not Marked. Here's what Mary has to say about it:

I'm humbled and grateful to be here today. A huge thank youto Sandra for allowing me to share my heart.

A little background: I've sharedmysexual abuse story in the past few years, but I haven't always beenso open. Initially I kept it silent for a decade, then over-shared, then wentsilent another decade. The healing journey hasn't been easy, but it has beengood.

About a year ago, I sensed God wanted me to be bold insharing about sexual abuse. I wrote "TheSexy Wife I Cannot Be" on Deeper Story,which went crazy (so many comments), followed by "I'mSick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife" on ChristianityToday. The overwhelming response [editor's note: Huffington Post ran a piece that mentioned it] to those two posts prompted me towrite Not Marked: FindingHope and Healing after Sexual Abuse.

The book proved too risky for publishers, so Idecided to crowdfund it, which turned out to be an amazing success. Icannot believe that now I can hold Not Marked in my hands,and also offer it to you. What'sunique about it: It's written from the perspective of a survivor. Itdoesn't offer cliche answers. It's honest. And my husband shared his uniquejourney of how to walk a loved one through their healing from sexual abuse.

The following is an excerpt from Not Marked—two commonlyasked questions I get about recovering from past sexual abuse.

I don’t understand how any good canpossibly come from the sexual abuse I experience as a kid and as a teen. Andwhen I share my story, I often wonder if those people have any idea how much Ihurt.

Oh, I have felt your pain, and there are days I still remain in those samequestions.

Whatgood can come from suffering?

Forpart of that answer I go back to Job, who lost everything—his children, hislivelihood, his health, his will to live. He heard God at the beginning of hisordeal, but the scripture says he sees God at the end. That’s what I want. Tosee God. Counterintuitively, I see God in the midst of my trials much more thanI see Him in my prosperity. Those trials in my life drove me to God. Notfinding appropriate love made me long for perfect love. Feeling alone helped mereach my hand to a God who was there. When I think about it that way, I beginto thank God for the trials because they plunge me back into His embrace.

Still,if I believe God is omnipotent, loving, and omnipresent, I have a hard timereconciling why He would allow a child to be abused. After all, as a parent, Iwould do anything to prevent abuse in my kids. So why wouldn’t God? I don’thave adequate answers even today. However, I’ve come to the place where I havechosen to rest in God’s paradoxical plan. The truth is He will redeem it. Howhe accomplishes that is different for each person. Please know that these wordsI write are not flip or throwing out pat answers. These understandings havebeen hard won.

Dopeople have any idea how much you hurt? Probably not. Not everyone willunderstand your story. Not everyone will have empathy. And it’s unfair toexpect they will. Other victims may come close to understanding your pain. Butthe only One who truly understands exactly how you feel is God. So pour outyour pain to him.

Mindif I pray for you?

Lord, why? Why do You allow rape inpeople’s lives like you do? Help us to wrestle long enough so that we nestleonce again in Your arms. Be the protector we need. Help us to work through thequestions. I pray they drive us closer to You, not further away. Lord Jesus,redeem these awful parts of our story. Make them sing. Use us to touch many,many women with Your grace. But we need to be filled with Your grace first.Fill us to overflowing. Right now. In this moment. Shower us with Yourunconditional love. Help us see ourselves as You see us: spotless, beautiful,worthy of redemption. Amen.

 I don’t understand why sex could possiblybe considered good. It only makes me feel used. What’s your take?

Ihave to go back to the book of Genesis to see how sex was intended to be verygood. Unfortunately, after the fall of humanity, even the most intimate actbecame tainted with power struggles, abuse, and all sorts of darkness. To behonest, I still struggle with understanding the benefit of sex outside ofprocreation. But as I grow in my marriage, in that mutually beneficial place ofsurrender, I am beginning to glimpse its beauty. Sex is fun. Sex brings mecloser to my husband in a way nothing else does, binding me completely to him.Sex means pleasure. It provides release, particularly from stress. It helps ustake our minds off a crazy day. It teaches us servanthood and kindness. It caneven be funny.

Thatbeing said, I don’t think only sexual abuse victims struggle with sex beingbeautiful. In our subculture, we’ve been taught it’s a dirty no-no for so manyyears, that turning that switch from taboo to terrific isn’t easy.

Somany people feel as you do, that sex isn’t good, that it’s an act where oneperson takes and the other gives more than she wants. Feeling used is verynormal for a sexual abuse victim, and the shift from used to tolerable toenjoyable takes a lot of time. Part of that is re-training your mind that Godcreates good things—sex included. It’s recognizing that you experiencedviolation, and that violation warped sex for you. Pursuing healing and daringto go to the dark places eventually brings light to sex’s beauty.

Not Marked (e-version) 
Not Marked (print version)
The book's website 

More on Evangelicals and Sex

EVANGELICAL MILLENNIALS SAY SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE IS WRONG

But Behavior Does Not Always Match Attitudes

The majority (77 percent) of evangelical Millennials disagree with the statement “Having sex outside of marriage is morally acceptable for an unmarried person,” with 61 percent disagreeing strongly. Yet 44 percent of unmarried evangelicals ages 18-29 have had sex, including 25 percent who have had sex in the last three months, according to a new report by the National Association of Evangelicals.

The report, “Sex and Unexpected Pregnancies: What Evangelical Millennials Think and Practice,”* found that a majority (55 percent) who were unmarried but have been sexually active in the past three months still believed that sex outside marriage is not morally acceptable, including 29 percent who felt strongly about this. Just 19 percent felt strongly that their behavior was morally acceptable.

Sixty-seven percent of all evangelical Millennials consider abstinence to be a realistic option. Only 11 percent agreed strongly with the statement “Abstinence is just not realistic in today’s world.” Twenty-two percent agreed somewhat. Of those who were unmarried and recently sexually active, only a slight majority (55 percent) believed that abstinence was unrealistic. 

Additional findings include:

Respondents said that the sexualized society is the top reason why some young, unmarried Christian adults have sex even though they believe it is morally wrong. Lacking a strong foundation in the Bible and “living for the moment” closely followed.Three in four unmarried evangelical Millennials said they are committed to not having sex until they are married. This was true for 63 percent of those who had been sexually active, but who had been abstinent for at least the last three months.For unmarried evangelical Millennials who have been sexually active, 42 percent expressed strong regret about that activity. Another 28 percent somewhat regretted their activity, while 15 percent somewhat did not regret it, and 15 percent strongly did not regret it. One out of 10 unmarried evangelical Millennials agreed strongly that “I would like to remain abstinent, but I just can’t seem to do it.” Fifty-three percent of those who had been sexually active in the last three months agreed with the statement.Most respondents (87 percent) agreed strongly that the church they attend teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and most of the rest (10 percent) agreed somewhat.

This is the second in a planned series of five releases on the Sex and Unexpected Pregnancies study. The report — including a FAQ section with comparisons to previous surveys of evangelicals on these issues — is available on the NAE’s website along with more information about the polling methodology and graphs of the study’s findings.

Sex and Evangelicals

MOST UNMARRIED EVANGELICAL MILLENNIALS HAVE NEVER HAD SEX

But One in Four Have Been Sexually Active in Past Three Months

New research from the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) shows that the number of unmarried evangelicals ages 18–29 who have been sexually active is much lower than previously thought.[1] Fifty-six percent of unmarried evangelical Millennials claim they have never been sexually active. At the same time, one in four say they have been sexually active in the past three months, while 19 percent have been sexually active previously but not within the past three months. Sexual activity was not specifically defined for this poll.

The poll, which was conducted by Grey Matter Research,* also showed that sexual activity is more common among older Millennials. While 63 percent of unmarried 18-23 year olds have never been sexually active, only 46 percent of the 24-29 year olds could say the same thing.

This study breaks new ground in that it compares when people came to their religious beliefs with when they were sexually active. Among unmarried evangelical Millennials who had been sexually active, 92 percent said they did so after becoming a born again Christian. Four percent were sexually active around the time they were born again. Only 3 percent were sexually active only prior to being born again.  The average evangelical Millennial was born again around age eight.

Additional findings include:

11 percent of unmarried respondents were currently co-habiting with a romantic partner.Never-married respondents who had been sexually active in the past, but not in the past three months, on average said the last time they had been sexually active was 3.3 years ago, with a median of two years.The average respondent who had been sexually active previously but not within the past three months was 20 years old the last time he or she had been active.

These are among the key findings of “Sex and Unexpected Pregnancies: What Evangelical Millennials Think and Practice.” This is the first in a planned series of five releases on the Sex and Unexpected Pregnancies study.

The report — including a FAQ section with comparisons to previous surveys of evangelicals on these issues — is available on the NAE’s website along with more information about the polling methodology and graphs of the study’s findings.

###

1 The NAE previously used data that showed that 80 percent of self-identified unmarried evangelicals, ages 18-29, have had sex. (Special Tabulations of the National Survey of Reproductive and Contraceptive Knowledge, The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, December, 2009)

*Grey Matter Research conducted this national demographically representative online survey of 1,007 evangelical adults ages 18–29 in May 2012. Evangelicals were identified by Protestant church attendance of at least once a month, believing that they will go to heaven when they die because they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, and strongly agreeing that the Bible is the written word of God and is accurate in all that it teaches, that their personal commitment to Jesus Christ is still important to their lives today, that eternal salvation is possible only through Jesus Christ, and that they personally have a responsibility to tell others about their religious beliefs. The poll has an overall margin of error of ±2.9%. Figures may not add to 100% due to rounding.

The mission of the National Association of Evangelicals is to honor God by connecting and representing evangelical Christians. The NAE includes more than 45,000 local churches from 40 different denominations and serves a constituency of millions.  

Nine Ways to Navigate the iSex World

On Tapestry this week my topic is Nine Ways to Navigate the iSex World. 

We've got "Girls" on HBO.  “No Strings Attached,” and “Friends with Benefits” in the theaters. And the skyrocketing success of the mom-porn title, Fifty Shades of Gray in bookstores. Seeing a pattern?

What Do You Think?

Health magazine ran an interview with Brooke Shields in which they applauded her "mission to empower girls." Here's something she said that made me question Health's verb choice:

Q: What’s your biggest health regret?
A: Not learning to love the way I looked earlier. And I think I would have had sex a lot earlier! [Laughs.] I think I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22. I had the public and all this pressure, and I wish I had just gotten it over with in the beginning when it was sort of OK. I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn’t have had issues with weight—I carried this protective 20 pounds [in college]. It was all connected. And to me, that’s a health regret.

As the mother of a teen girl, I have questions about her mission.

What do you think?