Swimsuit Season: A guest post

 Last week I did something that many women do around this time of year. A spring ritual full with strong inhales to imagine an ideal and deep sighs once the discouragement of reality sets in.

You see, I was going on a weekend trip to the lake. So the time had come. The time had come to dig my swimsuits out from the infamous bottom dresser drawer. The time had come to discover what still fit. I dreaded this day. I procrastinated until the night before our trip, and I only had the garments purchased for my pre-pandemic, pre-multiple quarantines, pre-getting-laid-off then-hired-then-quitting-that-job body. They were bought for a summer of freedom that now feels foreign, and I worried they could no longer hold the version of me that exists today. 

I remember every year of this ritual going back to sixth grade, and I can count on exactly two fingers how many times I walked away feeling good about myself. One was in college, after months of unhealthy dieting. The other? Last Thursday. So what changed? 

Hint: not my BMI.

Something different happened. My mindset changed. I didn’t realize that it had until I stood there, in front of my mirror, smiling. My stomach and my cellulite and my pale skin didn’t worry me anymore. They encouraged me. 

My stomach: evidence of my newfound love for cooking, and the beginnings of a relationship with a man who buys the chocolate bar at the register, then gives me half once we get in the car. That makes me smile. 

My cellulite: a reminder that 80–90 percent of women have the same dimples I do. My cellulite stands as evidence to that heritage, the history of women before me who lived strong, brave, adventurous lives, even with textured fat on their thighs. That makes me smile.

My pale skin: evidence of a year keeping myself and others safe. A year staying home and building deeper relationships with the people under my roof. Those friendships make me smile.

I discovered that my body no longer serves as a tool to be whittled down to perfection, but rather as a treasure chest—ornate and beautiful in its own right but inside containing something of far greater value. 

Avery Ochs lives in Denton, Texas, and is a student at Dallas Theological Seminary.

Author Q&A with Elizabeth Oates

Elizabeth Oates served as my intern more than ten years ago. Time flies! Today she's a multi-published author with a new book out. She took some time recently to answer some questions.

SG: Elizabeth, I can’t believe we have known each other for fifteen years now. You came to seminary in 2001, and graduated in ‘05. Tell me what you have been doing since then.

EO: My husband and I moved from Dallas to Waco, where we’ve had three biological kids, ages 10, 8, and 6. We also have a sweet foster daughter who is 16 months old, and we are on track to adopt her sometime this spring. In between raising babies and running carpool, I’ve been writing, blogging, and speaking. I wrote my first book, Dealing with Divorce: Finding Direction When Your Parents Split Up, in 2009. And I just released my second book, If You Could See as Jesus Sees: Inspiration For a Life of Hope, Joy, and Purpose.

SG: It sounds like you juggle a lot between your family and your writing, which can intimidate some people. Do you find that others compare themselves to you? If so, how do you deal with that?

EO: Actually, I talk a lot about comparison, and feeling inadequate, incompetent, and discontent in my new book. The irony is that people can look at my life and think I have it all together, yet I look at others' lives and fall into the same trap.When people say to me, “I don’t know who you do it,” I tell them “You only see what I do. You don’t see what I don’t do.” And the list of what I don’t do is long: I don’t sew, I don’t garden, I don’t do oils, I don’t cook anything with more than four ingredients, I don’t do a book club. I have simplified my life to a few things, and I go deep there.If we can focus on the few things God has called us to and do those well instead of comparing ourselves to what others are doing, I think we’ll find God will bless our efforts in whatever capacity we serve. 

SG: What is your hope for this new book?

EO: My audience is women. And my ultimate hope is that women will stop seeing themselves as the world sees them, or even through their own skewed lens, and they will see themselves as Jesus sees them.

You can order If You Could See as Jesus Seesonline. But you also might win it here. Subscribe to this blog, or leave a comment below, and I'll draw the name of a winner on Jan. 29. Guys, maybe your local library would appreciate a copy. Or a special female in your life? 

United: God's Vision for Diversity

In this second of a two-part series, we hear from my guest, Trillia Newbell, author of United: Captured by God's Vision for Diversity. 

Q: What would you say is the clear benefit of diversity?

A:By building into diverse relationships, we display the reconciliation andredemption of Christ to a world that is broken and divided. True unity is foundfirst through being reconciled to God and then to each other. To walk in thatunity arm in arm with people of every tribe and race is to declare to the worldthat Christ’s blood is enough for the fight for racial reconciliation.Additionally, diversity displays a true understanding of the grace of God.Personally, God was working in me what I believe is clearly displayed throughScripture—diversity benefits the church, displays the last days, demonstratesthe power of the gospel, and glorifies God.

Q: Friendships with women who were different than you wereinstrumental in living out your desire for diversity.

A:Yes. My longing for diversity was being fulfilled not because God had broughtin more black people (though I would have been thrilled if that had been thecase), but because He had united me with people who were unlike me. God knew mydesire for diversity and graciously provided Lillian (Chinese) and Amy (white).Lillian grew up in the United States with Chinese missionary parents. Amy grewup outside of Chicago in a Christian home. And then there was me, a black girlfrom the South. Amy, Lillian, and I got to know each other deeply. We becamefriends. Our differences didn’t pull us farther from each other; rather, theyunited us. God employed our differences for our benefit and mutualencouragement.

Q: To a church that desires to have increased diversity,what suggestions would you offer?

A:I was taught by leaders whom I respect that it is okay to have a desire fordiversity in music, activities, and the general environment. It is okay tothink that, overall, the music, activities, and general environment shouldconsider the entire congregation. Did you catch that? I’m not justsaying music; it’s the activities as well. My church had wonderful events, butthey were often geared toward one audience. If your church is truly seekingdiversity (in any way), your activities must be diverse. This includes theactivities for women. As we begin to view members of our churches as members ofGod’s family and thus as members of our family, our prejudices begin tocrumble. Racial reconciliation is not only possible; it’s a must because we arethe very family of God. That’s astounding. We are created equally. When Christcalls us to himself, He does not look at who we are in terms of ethnicity, nordoes He call us because of who we are in any other way except that we are deadand in need of new life. We are equally saved. As a result, our churches shouldbe the most gracious environments on the planet. More than any other place, thechurch should be more open to and excited about having people unlikethemselves. This gracious environment must begin in our hearts. We have to lookto Jesus and ask for grace to emulate His grace.

Q: What about building diversity within your own family?
A:A practical way to begin building diversity in your church is to build itwithin your family through teaching and learning about different cultures andethnicities throughout the year. Learning the history of other culturescan assist you in understanding the perspective of other cultures. Asyou learn with your children, don’t limit your knowledge to textbooks andmini-biographies. Get creative and cook a new meal. Or introduce your family tothe culture and music of those who are different from you. Invite otherChristians into your home for lunches, dinners, or parties. Include members ofyour church or your neighbors. Find those who are different from you, take aninterest in their lives, and invite them over for a meal.

Q: But the importance of diversity ultimately goes back tothe Bible.
A:Yes. Seeing the importance of diversity in Scripture should make us want toexplore how we can emulate this today. Ultimately it’s all about His glory onthis earth and reflecting Him to a broken world. I hope you’ll also be capturedby what I believe is God’s vision for diversity. Again, for me it goes back toGod’s Word. I find that the picture given for churches seems to be one made upof multiethnic, multicultural, and economically varying individuals. Diversityis worth having, because diversity is about people, and people are worthfighting for. If God is mindful of mankind, shouldn’t we be (Psalm 8:3–4)?

Is Racism Still a Problem?

Today I'm happy to have as my guest Trillia Newbell, author of United: Captured by God's Vision for Diversity. 

On the Last Day everytongue and tribe will be represented in the glorious chorus praising God withone voice. Yet today our churches remain segregated. Can we reflect the beautyof the last day this day? United willinspire, challenge, and encourage readers to pursue the joys of diversitythrough stories of the author’s own journey and a theology of diversity livedout. Civil Rights leaders offifty years ago fought hard to overturn the “separate but equal” Jim Crow laws.America has come a long way since the 60′s. Our public facilities, parks,pools, and educational facilities—once segregated—are now filled with a varietyof ethnic groups enjoying the benefits of togetherness. Yet, our churchesremain separate but equal. In a time of great progress, why does the churchremain relatively unmoved? —Introduction to United: Captured By God’s Vision for Diversity

Q: Is racism still a problem in thiscountry in 2014?

A.To be honest, it’s easy to feel discouraged about where we’re at today, and—inthose moments—I have to remind myself about the progress that has been made,most especially in broader society. We know that civil rights leaders of fiftyyears ago fought hard, risking life and limb, to overturn the “separate butequal” Jim Crow laws. Those leaders hoped that blacks and whites would enjoylife together and that blacks would no longer be subjected to discriminationand hate crimes. This was the dream for the entire nation. Martin Luther KingJr. famously shared his dream that “one day right there in Alabama little blackboys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys andwhite girls as sisters and brothers.” America has clearly come a long way sincethe 1960s. Our public facilities, parks, pools, and educational facilities—oncesegregated—are now filled with a variety of ethnic groups enjoying the benefitsof their liberties. Yet our churches too often remain separate but equal.

Q: After so much progress in society, why does the churchremain relatively unmoved?

A:Perhaps we are all tired of the conversation about race. It doesn’t take muchto recognize that our country continues to be divided along racial lines.Perhaps it seems that the country is moving toward unity, but it’s afaçade—just check your local news. And though our society may want to move on,we can’t, and neither can or should the church. Maybe our churches remainsegregated simply because it’s comfortable. There’s nothing malicious to it; weare just more comfortable with “our own.” But also, it might be becausediversity and racial issues are scary. Talking about race and racialreconciliation can be downright terrifying. No one wants to offend, and in ourpolitically correct society, who would blame you? If you say the wrong thing,ask the wrong question, or call someone by the wrong name, will they be angry? Areyou black or African-American? Chinese or Asian? Hispanic, Latino, or Mexican? Thisis an explosive topic, and sometimes it seems that the wisest course of actionis to avoid it at all costs.

Q: You believe it’s vitally important to fight through therisks and the discomfort in order to fully live out the Gospel of Christ.

A:Yes. We can so clearly see throughout Scripture that God celebrates thediversity of His creation. He does not distinguish between races: He createdman in His own image, sent His Son to save the world, and saves anyone whobelieves. God calls Christians to be imitators of Christ and to walk in love.If He doesn’t show partiality, neither should we. The problem with the currentchurch model and experience for most of us is that while we affirm these truthswith our lips, Sunday morning reveals a different story.

Q: Your father played a big part in shaping your desire toembrace diversity...

A:Absolutely. I remember sitting on my Dad’s lap as a young girl while he toldstories about being beaten for not standing to sing “Dixie” at a sporting eventand about the torture and pain that many blacks experienced in the South. He’dend his sobering stories, which never failed to rile me up, by saying, “But,Trillia, we need to love everyone regardless of race or religion.” As a result,I grew up wanting to accept everyone, despite my own rejection at times. It washow my father raised me—to love those who hate you.

Q: How did becoming a Christian change your perspective on identity?

A: What I began to discover shortly after high school as I started growing in my Christian faith was that my identity is notsolely that I am a black female, nor is it dependent on what others think ofme. My identity is in Christ. When I find my identity in Christ and not inoutward appearance, there’s satisfaction. I’m satisfied in Him because He lovesme. I finally understood that my identity is not my own—my identity isn’t aboutme. But it’s one thing to know this truth; it’s another to understand it andhave opportunities to apply it. I am thankful that I have found thoseopportunities within my church and throughout my walk with Christ.Understanding that my identity is no longer in my blackness, what I do anddon’t do, or how others view me has been incredibly freeing. This knowledgeallows me to enjoy my relationship with Christ and my relationships withothers. It has also provided me the opportunity to enjoy my identity as a blackwoman in a better way. Being black is a part of my identity. But it isn’t myentire identity.

Stay tuned for part 2. 

Identity

Lately some of my friends and I have been talking about identity and integrity. Is identity fluid, and if so, where do we draw the lines? Is it okay to text or IM passing yourself as someone else? Is it okay to have an alternate identity on Facebook? Is there ever a legitimate reason to have a sex change? Is it okay to change your name if you dislike the one you have? Is it okay to use a male avatar for yourself if you're a female or vice versa? Is gender really an identity?

As part of this discussion, my friend Rhonda send me this clip from "Friends." Ha!

Mistaken Identity

Where do you get your identity? At the Tapestry site, check out my blog post in which I explore this question.