Checking In

It occurred to me this week that I'd left you, my loyal readers, in the dark on some of the stuff I've written and said of late. So in case any of this interests you, here goes—a few links here:

Every year I teach third graders at The Covenant School in Dallas “How to Read an Icon." I did so again in February. So fun! If you see a guy holding keys, he's probably Peter. If you see a tall skinny cross held by a solemn-looking person, he or she is probably a martyr. If he's wearing green, good chance he's John the Baptist.

A friend created a PDF from one of my blog posts as a visual for my content on seven views on women in ministry leadership within the inerrancy camp (five of them within the Complementarian camp), a topic I presented for Reformed Theological Seminary via Zoom. The post was also referenced in Christianity Today. You can find the free PDF here.

I presented on “Artemis of the Ephesians at the time of the earliest Christians” for a class at Northern Seminary. Lynn Cohick, Northern's provost and my friend, asked me to lead their DMin students on a trip to Italy similar to the one I do for DTS, only this one focused specifically on women in the visual record of the church (oh, and I got a grant to do some photography on the subject!). Slated for early January 2023.

I presented a lecture titled “Cultural backgrounds in interpreting verses about women in public ministry” for Missio Nexus missionaries last month. I did a related blog post on that for bible.org, where I post twice a month on the Engage site.

I invite you to listen in as I talk with Christine Prater on the Holy Shift Podcast: "What's Up with the Upside Down Kingdom?" We talk in a follow-up episode about “The Sermon on the Mount.”

You can also listen as I talk with Jodie Niznik about “The Betrayal of Jesus” on her So Much More podcast. That ran during Holy Week. "Kiss the Son" (Psa 2) in worship or kiss him in betrayal. What a contrast!

I taped an episode on "Feminism and Womanism" for DTS's The Table Podcast. I'll let you now when I have an air date.

Christianity Today's book editor asked me to review Aimee Byrd's latest book, and I really wanted to love it. But I had some concerns about her hermeneutics. You can read my thoughts here: “When Song of Songs Uses a Word, It Doesn’t Always Mean What We Think It Means.”

Do you use the YouVersion Bible app plans for Bible reading? If so, check out the work of two of my students, who published plans they wrote doing independent studies I supervised. One is "Known By Love: A Six-Day Devotional in 1, 2, and 3 John"; the other is an intersection of Negro Spirituals and Lamentations with music included (she rented a studio!) titled "Learning to Lament with the Spirituals: A Six-Day Devotional."

I wrote a blog post about some things that trouble me regarding how we talk about adoption. That was for The Holy Shift: Adoption

And I wrote another for them about comforting those who mourn: Quiet Presence

The Write Now Editing site ran a short post I wrote titled “Read to be a better writer” Why do you read?

April 10-12, I took/met up with some students from across the USA—from Manhattan to LA—and we attended the national conference of the Evangelical Press Association (I'm prez-elect) in Colorado. We also met up with former writing students from Dallas, Grand Rapids, Indianapolis, and Colorado Springs. My former intern Seana Scott won an award for her excellent writing with Peer Magazine; and my student Radha Vyas won EPA's $2,000 Jerry Jenkins scholarship, presented by Mr. Jenkins himself. YAY! So fun to see them thriving and expanding their influence.

My Latte with Luke Bible study is late in launching. But for good reason: AMG is doing (much needed) all new covers for my Coffee Cup Bible Study series. So look for the Luke study in June.

Speaking of that series, if you have read Mocha on the Mount and never posted an Amazon review, I need only two more to make fifty, which would move it up in the search engines. Consider helping me out?

Now that I've entered grades and have graduation behind me, I'm gearing up to take twelve people to Italy with DTS in June, teaching Medieval Art and Spirituality. Please pray that the Spirit would do a great work. I have students coming from all over—from Doha, Qatar, from the Smoky Mountains, from working at Google in LA....I love the diversity of our distance students!

Debora Annino and I have a tentative date for the next writer's workshop in San Miguel de Allende Mexico. We're looking at February 8–12. Maybe you should join us? One of our 2022 attendees just landed her first book contract. YAY!

Thanks for reading. I'd love your prayer support.

An interview with a birth-mom who made an adoption plan: Christine Lindsay

November is Adoption Awareness Month. So I'm featuring here an author who has a book that considers all sides of the adoption triad. 

SG:You are a reunited birth-mom—a woman who made an adoption plan for her baby who has met her biological child as an adult. Was the the day you met your birth-daughter a happy one?

Christine: Sadly, no. It was as painful as the day I said goodbye to Sarah as a three-day-old baby in 1979. In fact, more painful. At least on the former day, I was filled with faith that she and I would be reunited one day when she became an adult. For the next twenty years as she grew up as another couple’s child, I prayed for the time when I would see her again. But on that day, Sarah’s mom and dad were extremely upset by my desire to meet the now-adult Sarah. They couldn’t bear the thought of meeting me nor understand why I would want to meet them. In fact her dad was very much against the whole idea of our meeting.This put a lot of pressure on Sarah, and the day we met again, she came across as very distant to me. This broke my heart, taking away all the faith that I had that she and I could develop a close birth-mother/birth-daughter relationship—one different from what she had with her adoptive parents, but special none the less.

SG:So how did you feel about adoption after you met your birth-daughter?

Christine: For the first twenty years after I said goodbye to Sarah, I considered her and her adoptive parents a package deal—something God had put together. I loved them as much as I loved her, and I wanted a relationship with them as much as I wanted a relationship with Sarah. Discovering that they did not feel the same way about me brought back all the emotional pain of the initial decision.As a birth-mom, I was already struggling with the losses of that, and the delicate but subversive ways my psyche had been affected by making an adoption plan for my child—even though I’d made that sacrifice in her best interests. Seeing my grown birth-daughter and all that I had lost, I believe I realized for the first time the full extent of my choice.The emotional pain brought on a clinical depression that lasted two or three years. I began to look at Sarah’s adoption through fractured lenses. All the joy I’d felt about giving my child a better home life than I could have offered her back then dissolved into bitterness. I suddenly felt hood-winked by God, feeling that He had tricked me into giving Sarah up. I thought He obviously gave Sarah to her adoptive parents because He didn’t consider me good enough to raise Sarah. And if I wasn’t good enough to be Sarah’s mother, I must not be good enough for the children I had with my husband.Naturally this wasn’t the truth, but when we are depressed we don’t see things clearly. At that time, I wished I could turn back the clock and keep my baby.Jealousy grew inside me at a frightening rate. There always had been a tiny bit of jealousy that someone else was raising my child, but it grew into a monster. As a Christian I was turned inside out, hating myself for this jealousy, and yet unable to pull myself out of my emotional tailspin.

SG: Do you still feel that way?

Christine: No, thank God. Depression and emotional trauma do not heal overnight, and we often need professional help. I had a great counselor who helped me move on from those destructive emotions and began to search for the real me. So often traumatic experiences stop people from reaching emotional maturity. My husband was also an amazing help, and one day he brought me a new journal and pen, and said, “Here honey, write your story.”Also, through the verse in Isaiah 49:15, 16 I realized that my crazy love for my children (including Sarah) was nothing compared to the immense love God the Father had and has for me. That was the beginning of healing.It took time, but gradually I began to lighten up on Sarah’s adoptive parents and recognize their right to their private life with Sarah. As I filled up on God’s love for me, I was able to love them again the way I first had when Sarah was a baby.

SG:How do you feel about adoption today?

Christine: I beg pregnant women today to consider adoption as an alternative to abortion. It’s a wonderful choice. But if the pregnant woman is able to keep her baby, I wholeheartedly encourage her to do so. I’ll be honest, making an adoption plan for your baby is one of the hardest sacrifices a woman can make. But I have also found that we can turn to God in our greatest need, and He is there with leagues and leagues of comfort and love, and new joys to replace our sorrows. It wasn’t easy for me, but now I can say, that because I truly love Sarah, I cannot imagine her life without her adoptive parents and brothers.

SG:Will your memoir hurt my feelings as a woman who struggled with infertility?

Christine: Since my book braids the stories of not only birth-moms and birth-families, but also that of adoptive moms and dads, I do not believe anyone will be hurt by this book. All the authors in this memoir tell their own stories in their own words, holding nothing back. So, Sarah’s adoptive mom, Anne, tells it like it was as a woman who could not bear children. She also shares openly that having me in Sarah’s life as her birth-mom is still difficult for her. She adds that if she could, she’d rather that I wasn’t in Sarah’s life at all these day, even admitting that this is selfish.I too, share honestly that I was jealous, angry with her, and selfishly thinking only of my own emotions during the years just after I met Sarah as an adult.Sarah, too, shares her journey both as an adoptee and also as a woman hurting over the loss of eight miscarriages. The pain of infertility is well shared in Finding Sarah, Finding Me.Yet while our honesty is brutal at times, it weaves a bright ribbon of hope throughout for those who might be hurting with the issues of infertility and adoption.

SG:How can your book help the various sides in adoption triads?

Christine: Finding Sarah, Finding Me can help:

• Women who are pregnant, unmarried and afraid, if they want to know the emotional truth about making an adoption plan for their baby—that while it hurts immensely, there can be joy. It is my prayer, that this will encourage more women to consider adoption instead of abortion.

• Infertile people will be encouraged to have their voice recognized.

• Adoptive parents will feel affirmed in their mixed emotions regarding the frightening prospect of adoption reunion. This memoir shows various types of reunions—some that went beautifully well and created unique blended families, and others that did not. People are made up of such different emotional stuff. Not all should go down that road.

SG:You're a fiction writer; why write this memoir now?

Christine: My desire to tell my birth-mother story got me started writing in the first place. But the timing wasn’t right after I met Sarah as an adult in 1999. It took seventeen years for the Lord to work on everyone’s heart, to heal old emotional pain, so that the memoir could be published and no one be hurt by it. During those years of healing however, the Lord encourage me to tell my story in Christian fiction, which has won numerous awards.All the spiritual depth of my heartache and depression are in my novels, in the hope of encouraging others. Life is not easy. 

Book info: Sometimes it is only through giving up our hearts that we learn to trust the Lord.Adoption. It’s something that touches one in three people today, a word that will conjure different emotions in those people touched by it. A word that might represent the greatest hope…the greatest question…the greatest sacrifice. But most of all, it’s a word that represents God’s immense love for his people.Join birth mother Christine Lindsay as she shares the heartaches, hopes, and epiphanies of her journey to reunion with the daughter she gave up—and to understanding her true identity in Christ along the way.Through her story and glimpses into the lives of other families in the adoption triad, readers see the beauty of our broken families, broken hearts, and broken dreams when we entrust them to our loving God.Read Chapter One of Finding, Sarah Finding Me: Click HERE

Author info:Christine Lindsay is the author of multi-award-winning Christian fiction with complex emotional and psychological truth. Tales of her Irish ancestors who served in the British Cavalry in Colonial India inspired her multi-award-winning series Twilight of the British Raj, Book 1 Shadowed in Silk, Book 2 Captured by Moonlight, and explosive finale Veiled at Midnight.Christine’s Irish wit and use of setting as a character is evident in her contemporary and historical romances Londonderry Dreaming and Sofi’s Bridge.A writer and speaker, Christine, along her husband, lives on the west coast of Canada, and she has just released her non-fiction book Finding Sarah, Finding Me: A Birthmother’s Story.Drop by Christine’s website www.ChristineLindsay.org or follow her on Amazon on Twitter. Subscribe to her quarterly newsletter, and be her friend on Pinterest , Facebook, and  Goodreads Purchase links:Amazon (Paperback and Kindle)Barnes and Noble

The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption: A response

When I used to teach marriage conferences with my late coauthor, we drew on John Gottman’s research-based work that identifies the four most damaging patterns in marriage: withdrawal, escalation, invalidation, and negative interpretation. In the case of the latter, “no good deed goes unpunished.” If a husband brings home movie tickets for his wife, she assumes he bought them only because he wanted to see the film. If she buys him a pair of boots, he assumes she did so because she thinks his shoes are ugly.  In thewords of my father, “Damned if you do; damned if you don’t.”

Negative interpretation, like the other three communicationpatterns, is lethal to a marriage. And what negative interpretation is to amarriage, Kathryn Joyce’s book The ChildCatchers is to evangelicals in the world of adoption.

That word “Gospel” in the title was clearly chosen for itssemantic domain. Indeed, the dust jacket makes the connection overtly: the abusers of the adoptionsystem are the “tens of millions of evangelicals to whom adoption is the newfront in the culture wars.”

Let me state up front that I’m the parent of an adoptee, and I believe in adoption: biasnumber one. And I’m an evangelical: bias numerodos. Yet while these two truths about me could not help but influence how I read Kathryn Joyce’sbook, I agreed with much of what she had to say. So much so that I think those involved in the adoption triand should read herwork. The fact is, Christians and adoption could benefit from acourse correction.

In my husband’s capacity as East Africa field leader forEast-West Ministries—which has a child sponsorship program in Kitale, Kenya—oneof his tasks is to find sponsors to help keep kids in school. For children withno living parents, the African nationals who do the work on the ground haveseen to it that all orphaned children stay with their extended biologicalfamilies. The child sponsorships help make this possible for poor people. And parentless children who have no extended families to care for them go to the homes of theirlocal church members. No one goes to an orphanage. And no one comes to America.We are committed to keeping these children in their home communities. Why? Noone should lose access to a family member just because that family is poor.

But enter the millionaire do-gooders. They come along and,without consulting the local churches or organizations, erect orphanages andput their names on them. And some nationals see filling those orphanages as a way to get Western funds. So the would-be saviors inflict harm and feel goodabout it.

Indeed, often Westerners’ wealth contributes tocorruption. Poverty-stricken parents may be told their children have beenoffered an education program. Only later do these parents learn that the “exchangeprogram” they signed up for legally terminated their parental rights.

About such situations Joyce writes, “Western parentscontinue to display an incredible willingness to believe the stories of theirchildren’s provenance despite the fact that so many read as remarkably the same:hundreds of children allegedly left on police station doorsteps, swaddled inblankets and waiting to be found—a modern-day version of Moses’ basket amongthe reeds. In reality, the abandonment of babies is not such a commonoccurrence.”

Up to this point in the paragraph I agreed. But then she added,“But among Christian adopters lining up, the stories usually go unchallenged”(133). Yet she knows the phenomenon is not unique to Christians.

Only a few pages earlier, she had written about abirthmother saying that “unless she placed her child for adoption with a Mormonfamily, she would not get to the highest level of heaven” (124). She lumps in Mormons with evangelicals?

Joyce tells stories of corruption and injustice that includeeven Angelina Jolie (136), whose efforts the author sees as misguided—a reference that might be fine if the bookwas broadly about adoption. But it’s about adoption andhow evangelicals have messed up.  Sobasically, the author has gathered all the negative examples she can find andblamed the entire fire in Rome on the Christians. Never mind that many of thepeople in her stories who suffer at the hands of unethical adoption brokers areChristians themselves.

At times it seems Joyce is driven to bring up every beef she’sever had with evangelicals. In one chapter she criticizes the campaign to getrid of Kony (what does that have to do with adoption?), likening it toChristian fad advocacy (40). Shemakes Christians guilty by association (there's lots of guilt by association in this book) with the “Orphan Train” of theChildren’s Aid Society (45). She accuses Rick Warren of grandstanding (53) andassigns ill motives to those whose intentions she can’t know. She describes themovement within Christendom toward adoption as “a way for conservatives todemonstrate their compassionate side, making their antiabortion activism seemmore truly pro-life (56). She cynically describes microbusinesses as  being “money-making ventures” (150). You get theidea.

If someone does approach adoption in a way that sheconsiders just or right, she uses words withnegative nuances to describe the way they dress or wear their hair. She accusesChristians of not helping birth mothers. So the reader might expect that shewould applaud the work of Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRCs) with their free servicesthat include sonograms, classes, cribs, and diaper bags. But no Christians get a free pass. Instead, Joycequotes a critic’s assessment of PRC’s: “They say they want to help people in acrisis pregnancy, but really, they want to help themselves to a baby.” Thefacts do not bear this out. Adoption discussions are rare in PRCs, which focus onhelping birthmothers parent.

Like a good journalist, Joyce interviews people onboth sides of a story. But then she always sides with the person criticizingthe adoptive parents (e.g., 122). Part of her bias is that she is self-describedas “secular and pro-choice”—so much so that she cannot seem to imagine thatsomeone else could hold an opposite point of view from her and simultaneously be a reasonable person.

All this bias is bad. Especially because she says somethings we need to hear, and her inability to judge fairly gets in the way of her journalism.

Still, I committed to sorting through her negativeinterpretations. And having done so, I found that I agreed with about 70percent of her analysis. We evangelicals have made some mistakes—some big,huge, gaping-wound ones—in the world of adoption. The following areas arewhere I had points of agreement with her.

We should be able to assume that Christians havethe highest standards of ethics and justice. But believers have often been sofocused on rescuing that we've even bent the rules, justifying our behavior bypointing to the desperate kids. In the process we hurt ourtestimony and provide an incentive for corruption.

Birthparents andadoptees need better advocates. The people in the adoption equation withmoney are usually adoptive parents, not birth parents. Thus, the laws are moreskewed toward adoptive parents’ rights, not birth parents’, and certainly notthe adoptees. Because of this power differential, Christians should be on thefront lines speaking up for those who can’t speak for themselves (Prov. 31:8).

Money corrupts. Anytimewe show up with money in a context of deep poverty, we provide an incentive forcorruption. That is not to say we should not show up. But it does mean weshould have many checks and balances in place, and we must serve the nationalson the ground who know their subcultures better than outsiders do. And weshould never give money to people to do things they could do for themselves.

It is in the bestinterest of families for them to stay together. We should be more focused on keeping families together than rushing kids into the arms of waitingfamilies. The trauma that comes from having kids taken away, from being rippedaway from parents, from losing a community connection—these stay with peoplefor life and leave gaping wounds. We should look to adoption only as a lastresort. When nations slow their process of approving international adoptions in order to better investigate the babies' backgrounds, we should be slow to criticize.

We should cry ratherthan only rejoicing. When a new family is formed by adoption, thatpronouncement evidences someone’s brokenness. And this is where human adoptiondiffers significantly from our spiritual adoption. God created us in the firstplace. So when we become his children through adoption, we are actually twicehis. Thus, spiritual adoption is a picture of restoration. Not so with humanadoption. While it reflects deep unconditional love and choice on the part ofthe parent, it still does not picture restoration. Rather, it is sometimes a goodsolution to a tragic situation. But we often deny the tragedy.

If Jesus is the truth, weshould be zealous about truth-telling. That means we stop exaggerating thenumber of children available for adoption. It also means we go to great lengthsto verify that a child actually has no parents when we classify him or her asan “orphan.”

We must stop “caringfor orphans” at the expense of widows. We wrongly separate the phrase“widows and orphans” (Jas. 1:27); the two often go together. In many parts of theworld, when the dad/husband disappears for whatever reason, the family getssplit up. So our compassion to widows should involve fighting to keep thatfamily together rather than guilting destitute moms into giving their kids a“better life.” It is bad enough to lose a spouse; but to lose a child becauseyou lost a spouse…and to lose that child only because you are poor—Christians! Wemust do a better job of speaking up for the widow! Sending such a child toricher parents is not the best way to care for widows—or orphans.

We need a moreaccurate understanding of biblical adoption. We say adoption is a biblicalconcept, but often there’s a big gap between what we mean by “adoption” andwhat the biblical writers meant. We use Moses as an example of adoption, butMoses is actually an example of a failed adoption.Through his story we see that children never stop identifying with theirpeople—a good reason to keep families together. God used Moses’s tragedy forgood, but that does not make what happened to him a beautiful thing. Moses’sseparation from his family of origin was a disaster caused by great evil.We use Esther as a biblicalexample of adoption. But Esther was raised by a family member, not strangers.Inall the laws laid out for the people of Israel, everything from instructionsabout textiles to medical concerns, not one word is written, not one lawdictated, about adoption. People dealt with infertility either by resorting topolygamy (e.g., Hannah, 1 Samuel 1) or levirate marriage. People dealt with thedeath of parents through extended family. In either case the inheritance stayedwithin the family unit.

BeforeAbraham impregnated Hagar or Sarah, he assumed Eliezer would inherit his goods (Gen.15:3). At that time, the whole point of adoption was that a man needed a maleheir—and he found an adult male if he had no son. The emphasis was on inheritance. It was not about a littlechild entering a new family and being nurtured as if that child were their own.

Somesee adoption in Psalm 2:7: “I will proclaim the LORD’s decree: He said to me, 'You are myson; today, I have become your father.'” The emphasis here is on the Father’s choice. And also on inheritance. Thinkof this in Messianic terms: The Son who was already the Son inherits all theFather has—the world.

Inthe intertestament period, Julius Caesar made provision in his will—that is,posthumously—to adopt his great-nephew, Gaius Octavius Thurinus, 19, known tous as Octavian, or more likely, Caesar Augustus. This legal pronouncement madeAugustus the heir. Everyone in the world of Paul and John, the two New Testamentwriters who spoke of adoption, would have known this.

Inthe New Testament, Paul writes, “For you did not receive the spirit ofslavery leading again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whomwe cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself bears witness to our spirit that weare God’s children. And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and alsofellow heirs with Christ)…  (Rom. 8:15–17).Note the contrast with slavery and the connection of adoption with inheritance.

Inheritance is not the first thingWesterners think of when we adopt, but it would have been an integral part of theNew Testament writers’ perceptions of adoption.

InGalatians 4:4–5, Paul writes, “But when the appropriate time had come, God sentout his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who wereunder the law, so that we may be adopted as sons with full rights.” Notice theemphasis on rights. The contrastwould be with slavery, in which a person had no rights, not even to his or herown body.  

In Ephesians 1: 5–6 we read thatGod “did this [choosing us] by predestining us to adoption as his sons throughJesus Christ, according to the pleasure of his will— to the praise of the gloryof his grace that he has freely bestowed on us in his dearly loved Son.” Theemphasis here is on God’s choice, not ours. We did nothing.

Inshort, while biblical adoption is secondarily about love and affection, it isprimarily a picture of choice and benefits, especially of inheritance.

Some parents need torethink the language they use with adopted kids. Parents who viewthemselves as saving waifs who should be eternally grateful for the gift ofparents have it backwards. Yes, children are to honor their parents, butScripture says “Children are a giftfrom the Lord” (Ps. 127:3, italics mine). The parents are the ones who shouldbe expressing gratitude. Imagine if Pharaoh’s daughter had communicated, “Youare so lucky you got pulled away from those slaves. Here in the palace, you arerich. And loved. Your life is so much better than it would have been. Youshould act more grateful.” Our kids are better served by our grieving with themabout their loss as we express our gratitude to God that he has blessed us withthem.

Nobody should adopt akid to gain gold stars with God. Nor should they speak of adoption asrescuing, doing good works, or as anything remotely associated with charity.That’s insulting. Nor should they assume they will “save” kids spiritually byadopting them.

We should never usethe Bible as an Ouija Board. That is—opening the text and getting a“message” that has nothing to do with the context or authorial intent. Theauthor objects to this, and I agree. Some believers she interviewed spoke ofreceiving messages from God this way. Often they justified their questionable practicesbecause they said God told them to do what they were doing. Certainly God canspeak through a donkey, but that does not mean it is his preferred method. Suchan approach is not “handling accurately the Word of truth” (2 Tim. 2:15).

Children with specialneeds require a lot of extra love and affection. Let me say that again. If the kids have special needs, they require extra love and attention and services. Parents who keep adopting sixteen more kids when they have already adopted some with special needs should do so only in a context of much accountability and counsel. Because in thesame way that some people can’t seem to stop having plastic surgery, some can’tseem to stop looking for babies to adopt.  The church and adoption agencies musthelp them. We have a responsibility to the kids, if not the parents, in suchsituations.

Sometimes God chooses those who oppose us to help us see thetruth. In the ironic story of Jonah, the lost sailors were more righteous thanGod’s prophet. In the story of Baalam, the donkey—not the person chosen as God’smouthpiece—spoke the truth. In the case of TheChildcatchers, an author who negatively interprets just about everything Christiansdo still gets some things right.

Our Father twice-over accepts this as pure and faultless:that we look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep ourselves frombeing unstained by the world. May the apple start to fall a little closer to the tree.

Forever Mom: What to Expect When You're Adopting

October is Adoption Awareness Month! Today I'm happy to have as my guest Mary Ostyn, author of Forever Mom: What to Expect When You're Adopting. 

Why did you write Forever Mom and what do you hope itaccomplishes?

 My greatest hope isthat this book will equip and encourage adoptive moms. Too often people think thatonce a child has a family, all his hurt goes away.  For many children it just isn't that simple.

Why is this bookimportant and relevant?

Many Christian families have heard God's call tocare for orphans, but want to educate themselves before leaping in.  Others have already taken that leap, and wantto parent in the best, wisest way possible. I wrote this book to equip mothers for this amazing adventure.

How is Forever Mom different from other bookson adoption?

Some adoption books  focus the how-to-adoptaspect. Others cover adjustment issuesfrom a clinical perspective. As a mom ofmany children adopted at different ages, my perspective is very much in thetrenches: realistic, compassionate, and encouraging. I also tried to make it clear that I'm farfrom perfect. In the book I share mymistakes right along with my successes.

Who do you think willbenefit most from Forever Mom, and why? 

The mom I held closest to my heart as I was writing was onewho went into this great adventure with a ton of hope, but is now feeling tiredand a little worn around the edges. She's wondering if she has what it takes to parent this precious child,who may be more wounded than she expected. She sometimes feels alone on this journey.  I pray this book will embrace her, equip her,and encourage her to move forward with hope, always remembering that the realsource of hope and healing is Jesus.

This book hits the market on November 4. So take advantage of preorder freebies and giveaways available at ForeverMomBook.com.

Mary Ostyn is theauthor of ForeverMom: What to Expect When You’re Adopting. She encourages moms throughher books, speaking engagements, and her blog at www.owlhaven.net. She lives with her husband and highschool sweetheart in Nampa, Idaho, where she homeschools the youngest five ofher ten children, including four daughters born in Ethiopia and two sons bornin South Korea.

It's Adoption Awareness Month

Happy October 1! It's Adoption Awareness Month. So I want to introduce you to some folks working in the world of adoption—Show Hope:

SHOW HOPE

Show Hope™ is a movement to care for orphans, restoringthe hope of a family to orphans in distress around the world.

Founded by Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife MaryBeth, this nonprofit organization is helping to make a difference for themillions of orphans and waiting children around the world. Primarily they dothis through Adoption Aid financial grants that help give orphans families andSpecial Care Centers in China that help orphans with special needs. Throughprograms like their Advocates, Student Initiatives, and Sponsorship, they are  mobilizing a movement of individuals and communities who show hope tochildren in need.

When the Chapman’s adoptedtheir daughter Shaohannah Hope in 2000 from China, they wanted todo something about the millions of waiting children who still needed lovingfamilies. In February 2003, they started the organization Shaohannah’s Hope,now called Show Hope, as an official 501c3.

Since its inception, ShowHope has helped provide homes through Adoption Aid grants for more than

4,000 orphans from 50+countries, including the U.S. In addition, more than 1,000 orphans with specialneeds have received critically needed medical care through Show Hope’s SpecialCare Centers located in China. 

ADOPTION AID

  Adoption Grants: Financial grants help provide waiting children with families throughadoption Equipping Families: Conferences are held year round throughout the country, and resourcesare provided to help equip families to bring hope and healing to children

SPONSORSHIP

Show Hope Sponsors: Monthly sponsors help provide urgent medical care for children at ShowHope’s Special Care Centers in the Henan province of China, as well as helpprovide waiting children with families through Adoption Aid grantsLife Hope Sponsors: These sponsors annually fund an entire Adoption Aid grant while alsohelping children at the Special Care Centers

CARE CENTERS

 Special Care Centers: Care Centers such as Maria’s Big House of Hope inLuoyang, China, provide acute and urgent medical care for orphans with specialneeds. Show Hope has three additional Care Centers located in China’s Henanprovince, giving desperately needed medical care for 300 children when at fullcapacityCorrective Surgeries: Life-giving surgeries provide hope and healing toorphans by addressing critical needs

Become AShow Hope Advocate
Thousands of generous people across the country have raisedhundreds of thousands of dollars tochange their world for orphans. Today more than ever, advocates are making animpact on the orphan crisis by raising awareness and funds through projectslike donating their birthday, hosting a bake sale, or sharing with theirchurches. To find out more, visit www.showhope.org/advocates.

The Student Initiatives Program

Show Hope’s StudentInitiatives actively mobilizes students for a lifetime of orphan care.Through its programs, such as high school Movement Clubs and thecollege-based Red Bus Project, Show Hope elevates student leaderswho will lead their peers in speaking up for the millions of orphans in theworld. For more information, visit www.showhope.org/studentsor www.themovementclub.org and www.redbusproject.org.

Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

"I was a broken mess. I did not want to lose everything that I loved. But the voice of God sang a sanguine love song in the rubble of my world."

Whilein her thirties, Dr. Rosaria Champagne held a tenured position at SyracuseUniversity, owned two houses with her lesbian partner, modeled hospitality tostudents, and rescued abandoned and abused dogs. An English professor withexpertise in Feminist Studies and Gender Studies, she tried to live ethically and enjoyed classroomsbursting with students eager to hear her speak. But then she encounteredsomething that turned her world upside down: Christianity. And the experiencefelt anything like “a wonderful plan.” In her words, it felt more like “a trainwreck.”

InSecret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert:An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith, Rosaria (now RosariaChampagne Butterfield) tells the story of her tortuous journey of repentance,worldview clashes, and life change. 

“Conversionput me in a complicated and comprehensive chaos,” she writes. “I sometimeswonder, when I hear other Christians pray for the salvation of the ‘lost,’ ifthey realize that this comprehensive chaos is the desired end of such prayers.Often, people asked me to describe the ‘lessons’ that I learned from thisexperience. I can't. It was too traumatic. Sometimes in crisis, we don't reallylearn lessons. Sometimes the result is simpler and more profound: sometimes ourcharacter is simply transformed.”

Myfriend Lance Ward recommended this book to me, observing that I would probablylike it for many reasons. And he was right. I appreciate her high view of scripture, her presentation of feminism, her observations about the good and bad of the American Christian subculture, her insight into the damage done to Christianity’s reputation when believerspublicly identify with one political party, and even what happens when we throwaround favorite "motivational" verses such as John 3:16 on verse cards without adding verse 17.An infertile woman, Butterfield is now a pastor’s wife and the mother of fourkids, some with special needs. So she has some excellent observations aboutadoption—and the homeschool subculture, of which she is now a part. 

I read this book in two sittings. It's an easy read that's not overly edited, but communicates in clear, compelling prose. And although I had some points of disagreement with the author, I still want to buy ten copies for friends. Dr. Butterfield provides great insight into culture while also providing a glimpse of the matchless character of God. 

Hear Me on KCBI: Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, and Adoption

Tune in to KCBI 90.9 FM tonight at 6:30 or 10:30 PM Central for a continuation of last week's conversation lwith Dr. David Henderson about infertility,  pregnancy loss, and adoption. 

You can also listen to the broadcasts about a week after they air by going to the Criswell website at www.forchristandculture.com . Click on the “on air” tab and scroll down to the date of the programs, May 23 and 30 .

Listen: Radio Show on Infertility

Tune in to KCBI 90.9 FM tonight at 6:30 or 10:30 PM Central (and next Thursday at the same time) to hear me talking with Dr. David Henderson about infertility, pregnancy loss, and adoption. 

You can also listen to the broadcasts about a week after they air by going to the Criswell website at www.forchristandculture.com . Click on the “on air” tab and scroll down to the dates of the programs, May 23 and 30.

Religion: Pure or Plain?

Rebeca Knowles still fit into her wedding gown seventeen years after her wedding. I know this because I had known her less than two days when I danced as part of her marriage-vow-renewal celebration on a boat in the middle of the Sea—the Sea of Galilee. And she wore that dress.

Brian and Rebeca, part of our group of journalists touring Israel at the invitation of the Ministry of Tourism, told us about how their marriage stunk until Jesus Christ transformed it. They wanted to go public with their renewed commitment to each other. So we rocked the boat dancing with them.

For the next week we ate fish by the sea, prayed at the wailing wall, and sang at the empty tomb together. And on bus rides between stops, Rebeca and I found our hearts connected—she knew our “son,” Carlos; we both write and speak; and we're both adoptive parents. It’s in this last capacity that I want to introduce you to her.

Rebeca’s somewhat of a rock star in the Spanish-speaking world. Her popular reflections “One Minute with God” are broadcast on radio and television throughout Latin America. With Brian she is cofounder and director of the ministry Reaching Out Network, Inc. (RONI), an organization that now supports families and helps establish strong marriages. Together they produce the radio and TV show “Healthy Marriages with Brian and Rebeca Knowles.”

Recently Rebeca told a reporter with Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) Russia, “Life for an orphan is not better once they are adopted. Life is better once they know that in God they can find their true Father. That’s why God did not give the church the mandate to adopt, but to ‘visit,’ ‘take care,’ [and] ‘take charge’ of the orphan, and in some cases this involves adopting.”

She recalls the first time she entered an orphanage. “I was in Brazil, and my heart was filled with the Father’s love for those orphans. From the two orphanages in Russia where I adopted my children, hundreds [of children] were left who will never be adopted. Statistics say that 80 percent of the ones who are not adopted will end up in a Russian jail once they leave the orphanage at the age of eighteen. Eighty percent of them will not live to see the age of twenty-one. They will die due to crime and drugs.”

Rebeca determined to do what she could to change that stat. “When my husband and I met with the TBN Russian president and his wife, we knew instantly that this would be the flag project for ‘Pure Religion,’ to show ‘The Smile of a Child’ in each Russian orphanage,” she said.

TBN Russia has successfully placed this children’s channel in 300 Russian orphanages, but 700 remain. The Knowles’s ministry, “Pure Religion,” wants to reach every orphanage so children “can know that God loves them, and in Him you can find a Father.”

“We are not preaching a new religion,” Rebeca insists. She says they are emphasizing what has been required of God’s people all along. “In James 1:27 God gives us clear instructions that involve God’s justice and the holy life of his children. This verse says that ‘Pure religion’ and being faultless in the eyes of God the Father consists of taking care of the distress of the orphans and the widows and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

This weekend Rebeca and Brian launch this aspect of their ministry into the Spanish-speaking world. And they can use help in four ways.

• They ask for your prayers.
• They need your encouragement. Considering cheering them on by sending a note of encouragement to info@reachingoutnet.org
• They need financial help to make possible the broadcasts (see web site info below).
• They need volunteers--people who will use their vacation time to go overseas and help by doing anything from office work to leading workshops.

For more information, go to www.religionpura.com (Spanish) or www.SayYesToPureReligion.com (English).

I love this video!

A friend of my brother-in-law, Mark, produced this life-affirming video. Love it!

Council for Life from Jonathan Culp on Vimeo.

On Singles Having Planned, High-Tech Babies

Recently I received an email about a Christian unmarried woman considering the use of donor sperm to conceive a baby. Another woman who heard about it suggested a solution: the church should hunt down a man for her to marry.

Um, no.

Here is my response:

This advice, though well-intentioned, is misguided because it suggests a misunderstanding of the purpose of both marriage and the Church. The main purpose of marriage is not procreation. It’s oneness. Certainly procreation was part of God’s beautiful design for marriage, but it’s not the main thing. The same is true of the Church—its purpose is certainly not to serve as a find-a-mate service. (Believe me, that has been tried.)

We need to look deeper for our response.

Proverbs 30:16 lays out some natural laws, and among four things it says are “never satisfied” is a “barren womb.” God has created most women with a deep longing to marry and bear children. And this unsatisfied longing can break their hearts. For most women, even those with great careers, the job of “mommy” is their number-one aspiration. The inability to accomplish that desire could see a correspondence in a man being unemployed and unable to work for the rest of his life, even if he is healthy. One can learn to trust God to ease the pain, but the devastation is still a daily, lifelong hurt. Ever since Genesis 3, life on this planet has been filled with brokenness, and the longing described by the woman desiring to have a baby is one of many evidences of holy longings. The best response is for those around her to grieve with her.

She does have several possible ways of meeting the desire to parent. The first is to adopt a child who needs a mother. But everyone involved needs to understand something: This probably will not satisfy her longing to bear a child. Experiencing a child in one’s womb and giving birth—these are rites of womanhood to most women. So even if this woman does adopt, she needs to be allowed the grief evoked by not knowing what it’s like to look into the eyes of her own biological child. This is not being “stuck on genetics.” This is a longing that falls in line with the natural order of things—how God made us to work. The Church’s appropriate response is to weep with those who weep.

Single parenting is very, very hard, but better for a parentless child to have at least one parent than none. Another possibility is for this woman to change careers so she is intimately involved in children’s lives. Add to that volunteering to teach kids in church or as part of Big Sister program. But again, everyone must understand this will not satisfy the longing to have a child. It is only a healthy channel for investing in the next generation. Every kid on the planet could benefit from receiving more love. The most important ethical consideration, in my mind, for the woman seeking donor insemination—and the ethical reason why I would counsel against it—is the injustice to her potential child.

The Creator’s beautiful ideal is for every child to be conceived by two people, a mother and father, who are married to and love each other. In the mystery of male/female interaction, the child learns something about the image of God embodied in a father and the image of God embodied in a mother. The woman in the scenario described is setting out intentionally to bring a child into an un-ideal situation. And instead she needs to think about how it would feel to be that child.

If the woman desiring to be a mom proceeds regardless of this concern, she needs to know that the child also has a right to know who his or her parents are. Kids born to donor-insemination arrangements where the donor remains anonymous are now growing up and expressing their outrage. Many of them feel their parents considered only their own pain and not their children’s needs. So if this Christ-following woman feels she must proceed, she needs to choose a donor bank where the donor is identified. Her child needs to know her genetic heritage, and not just facts on paper. He or she will want to meet and interact with the sperm donor. And that is a healthy desire that should be met...which opens a big, huge, squirming can of worms.

As mentioned, I do not think a solution is for the church to hunt down a man. In 1 Corinthians 7 we read Paul’s epistle to church in a sex-crazed culture like our own, and in it he encourages his readers to consider staying single for sake of the Kingdom. The church in past ages has first overemphasized staying single and then swung the pendulum by overemphasizing married/family life. That’s where we are today. Instead, the church needs to help this woman find contentment in her broken-hearted state of singleness without children. (And not by offering trite sayings, platitudes, and just-trust-God criticism.) She will live with a holy longing all her life unless God brings her the right man.

Though she does not have a husband, the family of Christ is the ideal place for her to find that she does have fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and yes—children. And as a reminder, God is still in the miracle-working business. So her spiritual family should also offer their fervent prayers for and with her that sooner than later she will find a man with whom to share an enduring, God-honoring love.