Was Abigail Right to Go Behind Nabal's Back?

One morning after I taught a women’s Bible study on the life of Abigail—wife of Nabal, a woman hustled over to me, elbows swinging. Seeing her body language, I braced myself.

Her argument about my teaching went something like this: “You're wrong! Abigail was most definitely not righteous. By taking matters into her own hands, she shows what happens when a wife steps out from under her husband’s ‘umbrella of authority.’ If Abigail had submitted to Nabal rather than intervening, David would have felt guilty for killing Nabal, and that guilt would have kept him from killing later."

I’d heard this interpretation already—from Bill Gothard, among others.

So how do we figure out how to interpret this story? Was Abigail good or evil? The text itself provides the needed clues.

We find the "Abigail and David" story in 1 Samuel 25:2–43. The narrator begins with his assessment: “[Abigail] was both wise and beautiful.” In contrast, of Nabal the storyteller says, “But the man was harsh and his deeds were evil” (v. 3). The first clues about how to view this story appear at the beginning.

Now, Nabal was filthy rich, and David’s men had treated Nabal's servants well. But when the time came for Nabal to reciprocate, he screamed at the king’s servants: “WHO IS DAVID, AND WHO IS THIS SON OF JESSE? This is a time when many servants are breaking away from their masters! Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have slaughtered for my shearers and give them to these men? I don’t even know where they came from!”

Whoa. As they say in Texas, “Them’s fightin’ words!”

The reader knows David is God's anointed, but Nabal has no respect. And when David heard how Nabal had dissed him, he rounded up four hundred men. His plan: wipe out Nabal and every one of his children and slaves. Nabal was totally outnumbered.

Fortunately, one of Abigail’s servants told her what Nabal had done. This slave provided her with the backstory about how David’s men had treated Nabal’s servants with utter kindness and deserved better from Nabal. This servant needed Abigail to intervene or he would die along with the rest of the innocents.

Abigail chose to act. But it wasn’t just her own neck she sought to save. It was hers, and her kids', and her servants'—and even her evil husband's.

Abigail was no rebel. She was a peacemaker—in the best sense. And as such, she put together enough food for the army and sent her servants ahead of her. But she temporarily withheld her plan from Nabal, who would have tried to stop her, and a lot of innocent people would have died.

Riding on her donkey, the equivalent to a Mercedes in her day, Abigail went down to meet David and his men. By the time she arrived, David was good and worked up over Nabal's insults. The future king planned to kill all the men in any way associated with Nabal’s household

When Abigail met David, she showed the humility her husband should have exhibited. She “got down off her high horse”—or donkey, threw herself to the ground, fell at David's feet, and pleaded with him. Notice how much she talked about the Lord: “Please forgive the sin of your servant, for the Lord will certainly establish the house of my lord, because my lord fights the battles of the Lord. May no evil be found in you all your days! When someone sets out to chase you and to take your life, the life of my lord will be wrapped securely in the bag of the living by the Lord your God. But he will sling away the lives of your enemies from the sling’s pocket! The Lord will do for my lord everything that he promised you, and he will make you a leader over Israel. Your conscience will not be overwhelmed with guilt for having poured out innocent blood and for having taken matters into your own hands. When the Lord has granted my lord success, please remember your servant.”

Did you catch that? Abigail was focused on God. And she considered it evil to “take matters into your own hands”—the very action for which she is accused by contemporary critics. So…either this story is full of extreme irony or Abigail is a model of righteousness. Textual clues suggest the latter.

Now, notice the future king's "God talk." He says, “Praised be the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you this day to meet me! Praised be your good judgment! May you yourself be rewarded for having prevented me this day from shedding blood and taking matters into my own hands! Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives—he who has prevented me from harming you—if you had not come so quickly to meet me, by morning’s light not even one male belonging to Nabal would have remained alive!”

David saw Abigail’s actions as preventing him from sin, as wise, and as guided by the Lord himself.

A less honest wife would have hidden her actions from her man. But once Nabal sobered up and the danger had passed, Abigail summoned the courage to tell her husband what she'd done. And he flipped out so intensely that he had a stroke. Literally. Utter rage exploded in his head, leading to his death.

And again David saw the circumstances as being from God. When he heard about Nabal’s death, the future king exclaimed, “Praised be the Lord who has vindicated me and avenged the insult that I suffered from Nabal! The Lord has kept his servant from doing evil, and he has repaid Nabal for his evil deeds.” David was so impressed with Abigail and how God used her that he sent for her to marry her.

So how do we know how to interpret this story? The text itself gives us the clues we need to see the point-of-view of the narrator: Abigail was beautiful inside and out, and the hand of the Lord was on her and on David. As is often true of Bible stories, the text interprets itself.

Aside from learning hermeneutics in Abigail's story, we can also learn from Abigail's life. Although suffering in an abusive marriage, Abigail protected others—and herself—from harm rather than thinking only of herself. She refused to cover for Nabal's sin, and she retained her voice in the situation. Sounds like a timely message, huh?

Photo:  "David und Abigail," Kunsthistorisches Museum Wien, Gemäldegalerie

Permission granted for non-commercial use. Permalink:  www.khm.at/de/object/ac796a52db/

https://blogs.bible.org/was-abigail-right-to-go-behind-nabals-back/

Abuse: Rise Up, Church!

Today I have a guest writer whose story you need to hear: 

<<I'm not even sure if the Hebrew is correct.But it doesn't matter.It means something to me.This is where girls would have scars from cutting themselves in attempts to escape the pain of abuse. But by the grace of God, and by His grace alone, my wrist doesn't have cuts. It says “Daughter of the King.”There have been a few accounts and testimonies of abuse circling around social media lately, including the Larry Nassar case and sexual assault on campus in my hometown. And I want to help raise awareness for the sake of many victims and survivors of abuse who are being driven out of our churches.My mom worked in the sex industry. I have seen, heard, and experienced just about every type of abuse. That kind of life was my norm. People who know me wouldn't be able to imagine my connection to abuse if I didn't talk about it, because my scars are invisible. It is a cycle that I was brought into and a cycle that my children are now fighting to escape from.Why am I talking about abuse? Because 1 in every 3 women have experienced it. Just a few years ago, that number was 1 in every 4. In the church, if 60% are women, that means the statistic applies to 20% of the congregation. Standing on the pulpit, scan the room, section off 1/5 of the audience. There. That's how many. Yet, we don't talk about abuse.(If it is difficult to grasp the concept, replace the word “abuse” with “bullying.”)This sin is one of those that fester in darkness because nobody talks about it. Nobody wants to talk about it. Certainly not the perpetrators. And not the victims, because it feels shameful. And the bystanders? Their tendency is to sweep the issue under the rug, because it is simply too uncomfortable of a conversation. Some days, it is easier to put a Band-Aid on a gaping hole and call it a day, while the wounds turn into infections; and before long, you'd have to sever the entire limb. The victims are the ones walking around limbless. And sometimes, the church is the one holding the saw.You may think for those in the church the incidence is a lot lower. Perhaps. However, abuse sees no socio-economic class, no race, no education level, no position or profession. It happens everywhere. Even at the seminary I attend. Even to the neighbors living next door or the people sitting next to us at church. The truth is, the more affluent a church is, the more likely it is to present a façade, and the easier it is to cover up abuse—or simply, minimize it.I have been conditioned to always assess situations and environments by how safe I feel before I step into them. And I thought church was supposed to be safe.You didn't get bloodied or bruised up, they'd say.Sometimes, I wish that the wounds were more visible. At least in that way, something can be done. But the pain gnaws at my bones. Cutting marks are just minor surface scratches compared with what agonizes inside abused victims, so that they feel and see that pain. No medicine can heal the invisible wounds.You must have done something to cause it, they'd say.They put me on trial as the instigator for my own abuse. I learned to blame myself. I learned to suppress my pain. I leaned to avoid and distrust people. It affects every. single. relationship I have, and every. single. relationship that I will ever have, even my relationship with my Heavenly Father.Forgive, turn the other cheek, and carry the cross, like Jesus did, they'd say.The “peacemakers” who said such things also became my oppressors. They kept me from speaking up and getting help. I shrunk until I was no more. They silenced my voice. Perhaps God wants me dead as well. Does He?Now I serve at a safe house for women who have gone through all sorts of abuse. As I spent time with them, I was reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes 4:1-3:

So I again considered all the oppression that continually occurs on earth.

This is what I saw:

The oppressed were in tears, but no one was comforting them;

no one delivers them from the power of their oppressors.

So I considered those who are dead and gone

more fortunate than those who are still alive.

But better than both is the one who has not been born

and has not seen the evil things that are done on earth.

Then the passage ends with this (v. 12):

Although an assailant may overpower one person,

two can withstand him.

Moreover, a three-stranded cord is not quickly broken.

Yet, we stand alone, facing our silent nightmares, with nowhere to turn, nobody to run to. Where are the “three-stranded cords?”Coming to seminary had been the highlight of my life. Sitting there in chapel on preview day, as I scanned the room, I saw the future of ministry, of God's kingdom. I saw my comrades with whom I will be fighting, pushing back the perpetrating, oppressing evil. I saw leaders who can bring change into churches for people on the fringes of society.Brothers and sisters, rise up and defend the body. When one part of the body is hurt, let’s rise to protect and nurture it. The church depends on you to stand as a wall of defense against the onslaught.  The church depends on you to speak life, wisdom, and compassion into the broken. The church depends on you to raise up a generation of men and women, boys and girls, who won't tolerate abuse and being abused, a generation that will take actions to prevent it.What can you do?

• Educate yourself on the issue.

• Bring in trained organizations to educate the congregation.

• Learn the red flags.

What do you avoid?

• Secrecy and cover-ups for the perpetrator

• Being advisers and counselors without training on this issue

• Trying to restore relationships using standard practices

Let's face it. Untrained church leaders trying to handle these situations are like those would would try to repair an engine without understanding how it works.Genesis and The Family Place are Dallas agencies with trained staff and resources. They'd even send out advocates upon request to educate the public on the issue. Most cities have such organizations.The legal system fails to protect the abused. Many cases are unreported or dismissed. Victims are trapped in this never-ending cycle.Can we find true sanctuary with the church?* * *I was born in Taiwan, grew up in a boarding school in Singapore, and moved to Texas in middle school. My home life had always been very unstable. I was surrounded by all sorts of abuse imaginable. With no parental figures growing up, I started adulting before I was a teenager.In high school, I lost my identity. I did not want to be associated with the abusive family that I was born into. I did not want that blood to run in my body. I wanted to scrub myself clean. That was when a wise woman guided me to realize that I can have a new life in Christ.But my home life did not improve. In fact, I went from my abusive home into an abusive marriage; thus, the cycle continued. After two children, things got worse, and I found myself alone, hospitalized, facing a divorce and a shattered home. In my utter brokenness, God showed Himself to me, healed me, and began to put the broken pieces together. He began to shape my identity in Him.Journeying with Him brought many abused women into my sphere of influence. From speaking engagements to magazine articles to Bible studies at the safe houses, I was led to become an advocate for women and children who are victims of abuse.Currently, I am a student at Dallas Theological Seminary studying theology. I burn with a passion to use the story of God’s redemption through my life and experiences to inspire and empower other women through their situations, knowing that God gave us an identity, not as abused victims, but as Daughters of the King. —Michelle

Domestic Abuse and the Church: 7 Ways to Help

Kathryn* was a close friend. We met at church and spent hours ministering together. But she seemed guarded whenever the subject of her marriage came up. My husband and I knew her husband; we attended church together. And we sometimes shared meals with them. He baked me a cake once when I miscarried—he could be so kind. But he also sometimes made lewd comments that made me wonder if he had a porn addiction. Eventually Kathryn confided that her husband often raged at her and spewed abusive speech, and that he had dragged her across the room by her hair. Another time, he barred the door to keep her from leaving.When Kathryn got pregnant with their second child, the abuse escalated. (One in six abused women reports that her partner first abused her during pregnancy, and according to the CDC, at least 4 to 8 percent of pregnant women report suffering abuse during pregnancy.) Afterward, he would apologize and beg forgiveness, but then he would repeat his actions a few days later.After the baby was born, my friend took refuge with her children in our home. And her husband kicked in our door to get to them. She went to an attorney to request a restraining order, and she learned that she could not get one in our state unless she filed for divorce. So she filed only to protect herself. But some church elders threatened discipline. They reasoned, “The husband says he is sorry, and the wife files for divorce. She must be the one in the wrong.” When she wrote them a letter explaining that she wanted what was best for him, they would not read it. Their reasoning: they did not want to know intimate details about this couple.A decade later another close friend, with a husband in church leadership, was my workout buddy. One day when walking next to her on the treadmill, I noticed a nasty bruise on her arm. When I asked her about it, she looked terrified.“Did your husband do that?” I probed.She nodded.In this case, the elders (at a different church) told him to clean up his act or leave the church. He promised the former, but he chose the latter.Every year in the US, more than 4 million women experience physical assault and rape by their partners. One in three female homicide victims are murdered by their current or a former partner. Young women, ages 18 to 34, are at greatest risk.And it’s not happening only outside the church. Domestic violence is rampant in our churches, yet we rarely talk about it. Many people who pass themselves off as good Christians seek to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. In doing so, the abuser betrays the trust that should be inherent in such a close relationship. And he or she has a mentality of entitlement that says, “I’m justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain power and control.”According to domesticviolence.org, most victims are women (one in four will experience it in her lifetime). But men can be victims, too. And it is worth noting that children in homes where domestic violence happens are more likely to experience abuse and/or neglect, as well (30–60%). Most children in such homes know about the violence. And even if a parent never physically harms them, they suffer emotional harm and experience behavior problems from witnessing it.The abuse is most likely to happen between 6 PM till 6 AM. And it usually happens at home, though 40% of the time, it takes place elsewhere. Sometimes, but not always, it involves alcohol. In both of the cases described above, there was no alcohol involved.For victims who leave, the result can be homelessness. According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, about 1/3 of families in shelters are there due to domestic violence. But many choose to stay in the abusive situation. And most incidents go unreported.So how can we and our churches help?1. Go public. Speak out in public against domestic violence, and encourage pastors to preach on the subject. Periodically include in your church bulletin a domestic abuse hotline phone number as well as contact information for a church member trained to help in cases of abuse.2. Teach accurately. Verses interpreted as teaching that a good wife must always bring only honor to her husband (e.g., Prov. 31:12) can keep victims trapped in silence. And misguided teaching about males leading and wives submitting, especially when such teaching presents “lead” as the husband’s verb instead of agape “love” (Eph. 5:25) can reinforce the entitlement mentality. Some reports say abuse is actually higher in traditional churches than in the population at large.3. Use your words to bless. The abused person is probably beat down emotionally and mentally, and the lies he or she has heard can creep into the thinking process. Expect victims to have a lot of self-doubt and be paralyzed by fear. The abuser usually wages a mental war that leaves the victim cowering both physically and emotionally. So speak truth. Remind victims of God’s love and their value. Pray with and for them. Promise confidentiality and keep your word. When possible, lead both victim and abuser to get wise counsel.4. For the sake of safety, allow divorce as an option. Divorce is not ideal in a healthy relationship—Jesus pointed to the beginning as the ideal. But when hardness of heart makes living unsafe (Mark 10:5), whether emotionally or physically, we do not help victims by making divorce itself the enemy. The marriage is destroyed by the abuse, not the legal document that comes as a result of the abuse. That is not to say divorce is the first course of action; but often a no-divorce policy ends up further victimizing the victims who feel they have no choice but to file.5. Most instances of abuse go unreported, so suggest notifying authorities. Encourage the victim to photograph any physical evidence, and report the crime to police. But in the process, avoid giving the impression that only physical abuse counts. Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging.6. Believe that abusers can change. Abusers are among the captives whom Jesus came to set free (Luke 4:18). Still, have realistic expectations. Most abusers choose not to repent.7. Encourage victims that they are under no obligation to stick around till change happens. Nor are they responsible for making change happen.Proverbs 31:8–9 says to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Part of doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with our God (Micah 6:8) is standing up for those beat down by abuse. The church should be known as a refuge for victims, not a shield for the voilent-tempered or manipulative. With God's help, those of us with influence in the church can help make Christ's Body a place where the helpless run for solace and find they are finally safe.*Not her real name.

Domestic Violence FYI

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.” – Dianne Feinstein

Domestic violence affects everyone; male or female, young or old, poor or middle class or affluent. It affects every race. It is prevalent in religious couples with a false understanding of submission. It leaves its victims afraid, vulnerable, injured, with few options and sometimes nowhere to turn.

What are signs that someone is in an abusive relationship?

Does his or her partner . . .

◊ Hit, punch, slap, choke, or shove?

◊ Destroy personal property, damage furniture or walls?

◊ Prevent seeing friends or family?

◊ Control all finances and/or force an account for every penny spent?

◊ Belittle in public or private?

◊ Show extreme jealousy of others or make false accusations?

◊ Force sex?

These are all examples of abusive behavior. If any of these things are happening, the person enduring such behavior needs help.