Hear My Story on the ReStory Podcast Today

Thanks to my friend Mary DeMuth for hosting me on her ReStory podcast. Today I'm telling my story there. Check it out.

What Are You Worth?

Today I'm delighted to feature a guest post from my friend Mary DeMuth, who has a new book out:

I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood lately. I saw a Netflix show where drug abuse was rampant, and I had to shield my eyes. I simply couldn’t see people snorting and drinking and shooting up. It brought back memories of my early life where my life was anything but safe.I was five, then. And the adults around me had parties. They would get stoned and unsafe. I would try to hide in my room, but the only route to the bathroom was through my bedroom, so they would parade through on unsteady legs, eyes red, hands flailing to keep balance.I turned my head to the wall, trying to escape into the well made between my twin bed and the wall. I fit like a snake into that skinny place, wanting to be so small no one would notice me. If you’re unnoticed, you can’t be hurt, at least that's what I hoped.This trauma affected me throughout my growing up years. I constantly found myself running—away from strangers, adult friends, and anyone who smacked of substance abuse.I couldn’t articulate it then, but deep down I felt my worth was tied to either being so small no one would notice or being noticed and finding out some people in the world liked to steal innocence from children.Worth has been a titanic struggle in light of that.So it’s strange that I would write a book about it. I’m not 100% healed of this little girl afraid of druggie parties. I literally shielded my eyes, hand in front of my face, when I watched the Netflix show.But I’m growing.I’m realizing that I’m not alone in this battle for worth. Most of you struggle too. We may have different reasons as to why, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that we desperately want to know we’re worthy.My worth, I realized, was tied to lies I believed about myself. I tackle ten of those lies in Worth Living: How God’s Wild Love Makes You Worthy.One of the lies is one that’s tied to my past: I deserve to be overlooked. The problem when you try to make yourself small and unnoticed is that eventually, you are. And then you feel unworthy of attention. What has helped me is healthy theology. The truth is God has chosen me (and you!). Before the foundation of the world, He has noticed you. He sent His son to die for you. And because of that love, you can live knowing that the Almighty God sees you. His love ushers in worth.I don't know when I’ll be able to watch drug parties on TV (or if I would ever want to). The nausea is real. But I’m grateful for bedrock truth: God saw me even then, and He set in motion a plan to save me before I even knew I needed saving.What about you? In what ways do you struggle with worth? How has God healed your understanding of who you are? Want to uncover the 10 lies and 10 truths that inform your worth? Get them free today at http://www.marydemuth.com

You Can Help Bring Healing

Authenticity Book House (ABH) has agreed to secure translation for my friend Mary DeMuth's book, Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse. Their plan is to translate the book into Spanish, Mandarin, and Marathi (India).Not only does ABH pay a translator on the ground in the targeted language group, giving him or her much-needed income, but they also foresee getting the book into the hands of sexually exploited people, either for free or at a nominal cost.This all costs money, so ABH is doing a crowdfunding campaign to bring in needed funds, 100% of which go directly to the translation projects.In several of the targeted language groups, it is taboo even to speak of abuse, and prosecution is rare. Victims feel violated, alone, and dirty, not realizing that they are worthy of healing, or that someone else understands. Not Marked has brought hope to many, opening the door to genuine healing. Maybe you can help? 

Mary DeMuth: Not Marked

Happy birthday to my friend, Mary DeMuth! Today also marks the launch of her crowd-sourced book, Not Marked. Here's what Mary has to say about it:

I'm humbled and grateful to be here today. A huge thank youto Sandra for allowing me to share my heart.

A little background: I've sharedmysexual abuse story in the past few years, but I haven't always beenso open. Initially I kept it silent for a decade, then over-shared, then wentsilent another decade. The healing journey hasn't been easy, but it has beengood.

About a year ago, I sensed God wanted me to be bold insharing about sexual abuse. I wrote "TheSexy Wife I Cannot Be" on Deeper Story,which went crazy (so many comments), followed by "I'mSick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife" on ChristianityToday. The overwhelming response [editor's note: Huffington Post ran a piece that mentioned it] to those two posts prompted me towrite Not Marked: FindingHope and Healing after Sexual Abuse.

The book proved too risky for publishers, so Idecided to crowdfund it, which turned out to be an amazing success. Icannot believe that now I can hold Not Marked in my hands,and also offer it to you. What'sunique about it: It's written from the perspective of a survivor. Itdoesn't offer cliche answers. It's honest. And my husband shared his uniquejourney of how to walk a loved one through their healing from sexual abuse.

The following is an excerpt from Not Marked—two commonlyasked questions I get about recovering from past sexual abuse.

I don’t understand how any good canpossibly come from the sexual abuse I experience as a kid and as a teen. Andwhen I share my story, I often wonder if those people have any idea how much Ihurt.

Oh, I have felt your pain, and there are days I still remain in those samequestions.

Whatgood can come from suffering?

Forpart of that answer I go back to Job, who lost everything—his children, hislivelihood, his health, his will to live. He heard God at the beginning of hisordeal, but the scripture says he sees God at the end. That’s what I want. Tosee God. Counterintuitively, I see God in the midst of my trials much more thanI see Him in my prosperity. Those trials in my life drove me to God. Notfinding appropriate love made me long for perfect love. Feeling alone helped mereach my hand to a God who was there. When I think about it that way, I beginto thank God for the trials because they plunge me back into His embrace.

Still,if I believe God is omnipotent, loving, and omnipresent, I have a hard timereconciling why He would allow a child to be abused. After all, as a parent, Iwould do anything to prevent abuse in my kids. So why wouldn’t God? I don’thave adequate answers even today. However, I’ve come to the place where I havechosen to rest in God’s paradoxical plan. The truth is He will redeem it. Howhe accomplishes that is different for each person. Please know that these wordsI write are not flip or throwing out pat answers. These understandings havebeen hard won.

Dopeople have any idea how much you hurt? Probably not. Not everyone willunderstand your story. Not everyone will have empathy. And it’s unfair toexpect they will. Other victims may come close to understanding your pain. Butthe only One who truly understands exactly how you feel is God. So pour outyour pain to him.

Mindif I pray for you?

Lord, why? Why do You allow rape inpeople’s lives like you do? Help us to wrestle long enough so that we nestleonce again in Your arms. Be the protector we need. Help us to work through thequestions. I pray they drive us closer to You, not further away. Lord Jesus,redeem these awful parts of our story. Make them sing. Use us to touch many,many women with Your grace. But we need to be filled with Your grace first.Fill us to overflowing. Right now. In this moment. Shower us with Yourunconditional love. Help us see ourselves as You see us: spotless, beautiful,worthy of redemption. Amen.

 I don’t understand why sex could possiblybe considered good. It only makes me feel used. What’s your take?

Ihave to go back to the book of Genesis to see how sex was intended to be verygood. Unfortunately, after the fall of humanity, even the most intimate actbecame tainted with power struggles, abuse, and all sorts of darkness. To behonest, I still struggle with understanding the benefit of sex outside ofprocreation. But as I grow in my marriage, in that mutually beneficial place ofsurrender, I am beginning to glimpse its beauty. Sex is fun. Sex brings mecloser to my husband in a way nothing else does, binding me completely to him.Sex means pleasure. It provides release, particularly from stress. It helps ustake our minds off a crazy day. It teaches us servanthood and kindness. It caneven be funny.

Thatbeing said, I don’t think only sexual abuse victims struggle with sex beingbeautiful. In our subculture, we’ve been taught it’s a dirty no-no for so manyyears, that turning that switch from taboo to terrific isn’t easy.

Somany people feel as you do, that sex isn’t good, that it’s an act where oneperson takes and the other gives more than she wants. Feeling used is verynormal for a sexual abuse victim, and the shift from used to tolerable toenjoyable takes a lot of time. Part of that is re-training your mind that Godcreates good things—sex included. It’s recognizing that you experiencedviolation, and that violation warped sex for you. Pursuing healing and daringto go to the dark places eventually brings light to sex’s beauty.

Not Marked (e-version) 
Not Marked (print version)
The book's website 

Want Healing from Broken Relationships?

Robert Frost wrote, "Somethingthere is that doesn't love a wall." President Ronald Reagan had only to insist, "Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall!" and the world cheered. 

Sometimes wallsserve a good purpose, like keeping toddlers out of the street. But often walls divide us. They protect us unnecessarily. And in relationships, walls may prevent us from loving again—or lovingwell.

When people let us down, and theywill, the Lord’s Prayer serves as a map on the highway to healing. In her newest work, TheWall Around Your Heart, Mary DeMuth takes readers on a journey of masterfulstorytelling, biblically sound content, and road-tested experience to show themhow. I think this is Mary's meatiest book yet. I'll let her describe it to you in her own words: 

Here's what a couple of others are saying about it:

Nobody escapes life without a woundedheart, and there’s nothing Christians need more than mended hearts. As awounded healer who has traveled the valley of deep hurt, Mary guides withunmasked clarity toward healing those relational riffs so you can experienceGod’s joy once again. – John Burke, author of No Perfect PeopleAllowed

I love how my friend Mary DeMuth usesthe stories of her life to tell the stories of God’s work in our lives. She didit for me today in The Wall Around Your Heart, touching my heart with tenderreminders of God’s love and grace. Mary weaves the powerful beauty of TheLord’s Prayer with the challenges of hurtful relationships and events, creatingan exquisite tapestry of healing and restoration and hope.–Judy Douglass,Author, Speaker, Encourager, Director, Women’s Resources, Cru

Read more about it on Amazon. 

The Irresistible Table

Today I'm featuring guest columnist Mary DeMuth, who has a wonderful new book out:

I’ve been cooking all my life. When friends ask me how I learned, I tell them the story of living essentially alone as a seventh and eighth grader. My mom attended school late, and my stepfather worked the swing shift, leaving this only child to fend for herself for dinner. I grew tired of mac and cheese and Ramen noodles. So I grabbed the red checkered Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and started working my way through it.

The first thing I cooked for company was an entire turkey dinner, finished with an apple pie. I was fourteen years old. I experienced the rush that came in making people around my table happy and content. Cooking hooked me.

As an author of novels and Christian living titles, I’m not known in the publishing world for my secret chef skills, but I’ve done my best to invite the world to my table. Oddly, my writing career started way back in the 90s when I self-published a newsletter called "The Giving Home Journal," wherein I shared tips for running a home. Had there been blogs back then in the days of yore, I’d have been a mommy blogger. At the end of each issue, I’d feature an original recipe or two, and by the time I finished publishing the newsletter, I ended it by gathering the recipes into my very first book: a cookbook.

Since then, I've moved eight or so times, always cooking, always inviting, but I left any future cookbook ideas on the shelf. I had the privilege of winning an Olive Garden lasagna contest (we got free fresh pasta for a year—I still can’t eat the stuff to this day) and had a recipe featured in Bon Appetit. We relocated to Southern France in the mid 2000s where, I kid you not, a French man went crazy-happy over my bread—probably the most supreme compliment a home cook could receive! That’s when I knew I’d mastered breadmaking. (Don’t think me a prodigy. My first loaves could brick a house).

In France, our home was constantly open, and every week I fed thirty or so people at one time. (And Sandra, her hubby, and daughter, got to experience some of this when they visited us there.) I learned the art of teeny-tiny kitchen cooking, and I became more laid back in the way I welcomed people. Laughter and conversation took precedent over a “perfect” meal. Creating an irresistible table meant welcoming people, providing nutritious and yummy food, and being peaceful in the process.

We’re stateside now, but we still eat dinner together every. single. night. Cooking is my creative outlet, the gift I give my friends and family daily, weekly, monthly. The recipes featured in The Irresistible Table are 100% me-created, tested on finicky eaters, and often consist of whole foods. I am a firm believer that anyone can cook from scratch—yes, even bread—if taught. I come alongside you, happy advice in tow, and help you create the irresistible table you’ve longed for.

Besides that, cooking is part of my evil (ha!) plan to keep my children near as they fly the coop. My college-aged daughter comes home to eat, eat, eat, and she’s becoming a twenty-something chef, herself. The cycle continues. It’s my hope that the joy of hospitality, great food, and changed lives can continue with you.

Links are paperback $13.97  and Kindle: $9.97.

Check out Mary's post, where you can sign up for a giveaway and check out her cool incentives.  

Everything

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Trilogy Complete

Well, she's done it. Mary DeMuth has finally revealed the killer. And not one of her readers has guessed the culprit--so far.

Mary has released book three in her trilogy set in Defiance, Texas. The title? Life in Defiance.

If you haven't read any of the Defiance Trilogy, why not spend your summer starting at the beginning and reading all three?

In this the final installment, Ouisie Pepper, having read a typical old-school book on ideal womanhood, constantly falls short. Yet she determines to improve. But no amount of self-improvement can compensate for Ouisie's terrible secret: she knows who killed Daisy Chance.

As Ouisie's children inch closer to uncovering the killer’s identity and Ouisie's husband grows increasingly violent, Ouisie has to make some tough choices. Will you be the first reader to figure it out?

Have a look:

Warning: Don't get this series if you want to fall asleep at ten PM.

Life in Defiance on Amazon
Mary's website
Mary's blog
Follow Mary on Twitter: MaryDeMuth

Thanks to Zvan for providing a review copy.

The Latest From Mary DeMuth

Launching this week!

Burying her grief, Emory Chance is determined to find her daughter Daisy’s murderer—a man she saw in the flicker of a vision. But when the investigation hits a dead end, she despairs. As questions continue to mount, Emory can’t shake the sickening fear that her own choices contributed to Daisy’s disappearance.

The second book in Mary DeMuth’s Defiance, Texas Trilogy, A Slow Burn is a suspenseful story about courageous love, regret, and the bonds that never break. It's about telling the truth. And most of all, it’s about forgiveness and what remains when shame no longer holds people captive.